and I'm here to remind you, what's lost is never gone

XIV

By the time he wakes a few hours later, the pale light of the rising sun is filtering through the curtains and casting the living room in a soft glow. Dust particles flitter through the air where the light strikes them and he watches them dance through the air as he allows himself to slowly come into consciousness. Beneath his ear he can feel Suzy's chest rise and fall deeply, her breath still ghosting across the top of his head as she continues to sleep. The tear stains that were on her pyjama shirt have cleared, leaving behind no trace of Dan's breakdown from mere hours ago.

He lays there for a while, taking in the scene around him and listening to the sound of Suzy's heartbeat and even breaths that echo beneath his ear. He feels safe here, with Suzy, and although he doesn't want to leave he knows he has to. He can't stay here, hiding away from this reality and hoping that somehow everything will fix itself. Dan knows he has to go out and find another way to get back to Arin; just because he doesn't exist in this world at all doesn't mean there isn't a way to return to his Arin in his universe.

Being as quiet as he can manage and moving slowly and carefully, Dan manages to lift himself from Suzy and the sofa to stand beside it. He gazes down at her, taking in her pale skin and soft, parted lips. Her dark hair is spread out around her head, framing her face like a wispy halo with a sliver of blonde amongst the black locks.

He can't help but smile fondly, adoringly, at her; the entire scene would seem like something out of a romance film if it weren't for the small line of drool leaking from the side of her parted lips and landing on the pillow beneath her. Dan wants to laugh at the sight but he doesn't and instead bends down to press a kiss against her forehead, his index finger reaching round to wipe away the drool. She stirs only slightly at the touch, head turning towards him and mouth closing, her body resettling into a more comfortable position.

Dan feels rude leaving, even though he knows he has to go. He searches around the living room for a pen and some paper and luckily finds some hidden in some drawers. He writes her a quick note to say thank you and that he'll call her later, which he realises sounds like what a douchebag would say after sleeping with a woman so he quickly writes down that that's what he thinks his note sounds like and hopes that extra comment will make her smile. Once he's done, he leaves the note on the coffee table by the sofa and heads out the door.

Once he's in the car and on the road, he doesn't know where to go. He knows he wouldn't have wanted to be there when Suzy woke up, knows he should be looking for ways to find Arin. He still feels lost as to what to do and for a moment he considers going home to his and Barry's apartment but he knows he can't. He doesn't want to face them still, even though he knows he has to at some point, and soon. He doesn't want to be filed as a criminal for stealing Barry's car.

He drives around the empty streets for a while, admiring the morning light that filters through the streets and shines off building windows. There are a few people up, a jogger here and there, a business person or two. It's still early and everything smells fresh and everything feels quiet, isolated. The feeling sooths Dan's nerves as he drives.

Eventually he finds himself parking in front of the Grump office. He stares up at the building, unsure of whether or not he should go in, but considering he has nowhere else to go Dan sighs to himself and climbs out of the car.

It feels strange being at the office so early when no one else is around; he knows no one will be in for a while so he knows the entire office space will be empty and he lets himself in. The silence that accompanies his arrival only proves his theory that no one else would be at the office so early in the morning and he steps inside, the door shutting with an audible click behind him.

It feels like years since he's been here, although he knows it's only been a few days. He supposes the reason it feels like it's been ages since he's been at the Grump office is because it has been ages since he was at the Grump office. Dan's been living in this alternate reality for a few weeks now and as he looks around the office space, he can hardly visualise what the actual Grump space looks like.