"I fell in love with her courage, her sincerity, and her flaming self-respect. And it's these things I'd believe in, even if the whole world indulged in wild suspicions that she wasn't all she should be. I love her, and it is the beginning and end of everything."
- F. Scott Fitzgerald
The glowing green light of the intersection pulls me from my thoughts as I press into the gas, pulling closer and closer to the west side of the city. My Audi R8 thrums softly beneath my feet, its constant vibrations comforting to my tense nerves. With each spin of the wheels, my heart twists, feeling as if its about to rip out of my chest.
The Walther P99 rests in the waistband of my slacks, tight against the small of my back as I pull into the courtyard of the Beringer's summer home. Wrought iron fencing lines the yard covered in azaleas and daffodils, stretching out across at least three acres of land. I park the car in the lot to the east of the house, climbing out and locking it, leaning down to check in one of the side mirrors that my hair is all out of my face.
Every nerve, every muscle, every bone in my body tells me to run. I shouldn't be risking my identity, and everyone else's by coming here. It's dangerous, too dangerous, and selfish at that.
Swallowing hard, I check that my pistol and Balisong are hidden well and won't be poking anyone unless I want them to. Hands shaking slightly, I take a deep breath and start toward the front door.
At the top of the steps, I stuff my hands in the pockets of my blazer, willing myself to knock on the door. The bronze knocker eyes me, a lion's head with jaws wide open, so heavy and indulgent. I reach for it and pull it, letting it drop once, twice, before stepping back, more than just my hands shaking at this point.
The wide double doors wrench open and suddenly she's there, bathed in gold light, hair falling in ribbons of caramel and chocolate. Her lips stretch into a wide smile, and I can't help but smile back.
"Hey," I manage, chest tight and constricting.
"Hey," Charlie says, eyes glittering as she pulls me inside and shuts the door behind her. Her white-slippered feet move across the marble floor toward me, her tone soft. "Don't be nervous about this, alright? They're going to love you. But if they don't - which they will - who cares? They're idiots anyway."
I sigh, adjusting my shirt collar, making sure it stays down and flat. "You don't know that for certain." Glancing down the hall to the tall oak doors at the end of it, I hear the low hum of voices, and my chest tightens even more. "I don't know what to think about any of this…"
"I may not know that for certain, but I know for a fact that I like you, and their opinions don't matter to me nor will ever change what I think about you," she says quietly. "Just remember; it's only an hour. My mother will pass out about twenty minutes in, and short answers are the key to my father's approval. He'll find you too boring to bother trying to find out more about you."
I look back at her wide brown eyes, softening a little. She's always so earnest. "Alright… But don't be too surprised if it ends badly." I'm suddenly aware of the pistol hidden in the waistband of my dress pants, knowing it's loaded and ready for use if the time comes. My skin against the metal of it feels cold, as if my nerves are being pinpricked.
"Never would've been. It's my father…" She looks up at me, her eyebrows bent a little inward, and I fight the urge to smooth her wrinkles and worries away. "Everything ends badly when he's involved."
I take her soft hands and tug her close, wrapping my arms around her waist and feeling her hair tickle the skin of my throat. A lump forms in my throat, a mixture of fear and nameless affection for her, as I kiss the top of her head. Her arms tighten around me and I let my eyes shut for a moment. I wish we were in my apartment with its tall windows and messy sheets and creaky floors, and that instead of being served fish eggs and caviar that we could be eating minute noodles and laying together on the couch, her fingers laced with mine and her lips and teeth asking how my day went.
