The Perks of Being Too Beautiful

Ch4; Painting

Chapter Four

I was 13 when it first happened. When my heart was warmed by someone other than Cullen. Of course I liked Cullen since I met him, but we were just friends, and I didn't do anything to go further than that. I was never really sure about my feelings for him anyway. We were best friends and I was perfectly fine staying that way. I liked him, but it didn't feel like a crush, yet it wasn't just brotherly love.

But when I turned 13, I met a boy who I never imagined to be interested in. He was the type that were popular among girls, similar to Cullen, but instead, he actually flirted with most of them, and acted like he took interest in them. I didn't really know him, but he was always hanging around near the library where I spent my time. He came up to me one day and introduced himself as Stein, from Class B. He was a wonderful poet, and I guess he won my heart that way.

Soon after, I began to like him, although I knew he was dangerous, but I could not stop the quick pace of my heart. It was a different feeling from how I was with Cullen. With Cullen, I'd feel comfortable, and serene. With Stein, I felt energetic, and wild. He was a boy who knew what he wanted, and what he wanted was me. He said I was beautiful and claimed me as his. But immediately after, I knew I shouldn't be with him. The girls never stopped going to him, and he did not stop flirting with them. He even began to like this one girl, Marge. I couldn't make myself leave him though. Looking back, I regret not leaving him and I do not know why I didn't. Maybe it was because I finally had someone to be with... even though, I wasn't really with him at all. He left me for Marge after a couple of months. To ease the pain, he told me four words. "You're still pretty though."

I don't know if it was then or later on when many guys claimed they "loved" me when I decided to wear rags. Guys that I didn't know would approach me with their feelings. It was flattering at first, I suppose, but then they began deceiving me. I was attracted to a few of them but in the end, they used me. Word went around that Stein and I had sexual relations, and many guys preyed on me. There were guys who I thought were actually good guys, but I found out soon enough that I was very wrong. After a couple of years, I began dressing messier and like a drag. Even though my face was, I guess, still beautiful, I wore clothes that made people overlook that. I grew out my bangs that hid my face, and even wore glasses to make me slightly more unrecognizable. No one came for me after that.

Cullen is probably the only one who remembers how I used to be. Every so often, he would ask me when I'll stop dressing this way. I don't know why it even matters because we don't have anyone we feel the need to please, or at least we don't talk about it. But Cullen is persistent and doesn't stop asking. Now, he took a step forward and actually gave me clothes to wear. I would've said no, but he went to his father for this, and I couldn't turn that up.

I am in my painting class but I cannot focus because I can feel all eyes on me. I run out of paints and the supplies are in the middle of the room. I stand up and suddenly the entire room quiets down, much like how it does when a girl sits on our table in the café. While I'm walking, I feel nervous and awkward, like my every movement is being watched, and my actions are being noted. Finally, I successfully reached the middle of the room without tripping or making a fool of myself. Sara gets up and stands next to me.

"What's up with the get-up," she coos.

"Just trying something new." I reach for black paint.

"Well, you look awful."

I was about to say that it was something Cullen bought especially for me, but I've learned to not bring him up to be on my favor during arguments because I sound pathetic. And no one believes me anyway. I decide to say nothing and go back to my seat. I sit down and it makes a soft plop. Everyone begins to laugh and it takes me a couple of seconds to realize I just sat in paint. I stand up and look at my seat, which has been smothered with different paints, matching the same color palette as the people sitting next to me. I look at my bum and see that there's no way that there won't be a stain. Sara snaps a picture on her expensive professional camera. Great. The cover of the school paper, featuring me and my peacock butt.

I don't know why, but I just stand there, revealing my colorful behind until everyone's laughter dies down. Everyone stares at me after, confused. It is silent for a few seconds until I finally say "you people are just a bunch of immature losers."

I go back to the middle of the room, yet this time I walk confidently, and grab a pair of scissors and leave the room. No one moves or makes a sound. Instead, they just look at the door for me to come back. I go to my locker and grab a pair of my black skinny jeans and head to the bathroom. I begin cutting up my dress until it is a nice, simple tank. I put on my jeans and walk back to class where I find everyone still waiting for me. They begin to murmur and Sara's eyes widen. Then, she looks irritated at me because I ruined her plan. Another girl snaps a picture of my new outfit and people look at me at amazement. I don't take in the glory but I continue to look at Sara, and smirk at her.

Now I can't wait to go to her party.