brain cancer fic》jerrie version

f o u r

It's a Tuesday when the other girls find out.

"Do you want to tell them?" Jade asks softly, knocking their knees together and Perrie bites her lip, thinking. She doesn't think she can.

Finally, Perrie shakes her head because she doesn't trust her voice. Jesy and Leigh-Anne stare at her worriedly from the couch. The couch is more of a love seat and is really too small for the two of them to be sitting on it, but they don't mind. She knows they'd make her and Jade come sit as well if she hadn't insisted sitting with Jade instead. She thinks if she gets any closer to them he'll break.

"Okay. So me?" Jade clarifies, tilting Perrie's chin up so she can look her in the eyes. Perrie merely nods, almost positive she's about to be sick again and pressing her face into Jade's shoulder.

Jade takes a long, deep breath, taking Perrie's  hand in hers before saying simply, "Perrie is sick."

And then they're all talking at once. What kind of sick? Is she going to be okay? Has she seen a doctor yet? Does she need to go to the hospital? Is she not going to be able to come to America for promo? Is it serious? Perrie almost rolls her eyes, wants to say Of course it's serious, you idiots. She doesn't, though, because they don't need that right now.

"'M dying," she squeaks out pathetically, immediately reaching for Jade and putting her face in her lap, thinking that if she just stays here until they leave she can avoid the worst of it - their ugly, horrified expressions, the pity in their eyes. She doesn't want pity. It's embarrassing.

And she can hear everyone talking at once but her brain refuses to turn their words into anything but rambling, and all at once their hands are on her, stroking her face and running through her hair and tugging her up to look at them and Jesy is first, wrapping Perrie tight in her arms and Perrie is reaching around to hug her back, feeling safe and very, very sad suddenly as Leigh-Anne reaches under Jesy's arms to pull Perrie close and fuck, Perrie loves them.

She feels warm and happy and loved, so, so loved as Leigh-Anne pulls her into a hug, rubbing her back and whispering nonsense into her ear and she's pretty sure Jesy is holding her hand. Fuck, she's not ready to leave her girls.

Not now, not ever.

****

Little Mix goes on a hiatus after the release of their new album. It's a video, only about a minute long, and they're all smiling to the point where it's painful, giving thumbs up and promising We'll be back soon. The status of next year's tour is still unknown.

"You should go, you know," Perrie tells them quietly, head resting in Jade's lap. They're all sitting cross-legged on the carpet in front of Jade and Perrie. "Do the tour. And music. More music."

They all come to the unanimous decision that no, they won't be doing any of that.

"Not without you," Jade says roughly, voice deathly low. "Never without you."

Perrie feels like crying, because they can't just end Little Mix just like that because of her. They're supposed to go out with a bang, not a whimper. They can't just cancel the tour, because so many people are looking forward to it and they're all looking forward to it and oh god, people are going to be so angry and she can't stand the thought of letting so many people down.

"The band doesn't have to die when I do," Perrie whispers, sniffling and wiping her nose with her sleeve, and just like that Jesy is jumping up to wrap her arms around her, pressing her face into Perrie's back.

"You are the band," Jesy insists, smiling a little. "We're sisters. A team, and we're not playing without you."

****