The Secret Lives of Fireflies

What Philosophers Would Say

               Dev was taking her sweet time, moving the stick mere millimeters back and forth, as if she was some kind of pro playing for ten thousand dollars. I didn't mind so much though, it gave me more time to lean on my stick and stare at Luce wistfully.

Then Devon said something that grabbed my attention.

"She said she loved you? Did you say it back?" I asked, unable to hide my shock.

"Yes, she said she loved me, and no I didn't say it back. That would mean that—" Jesus Christ this woman would be the end of me.

"You'd have to admit you were wrong?" I rolled my eyes.

She huffed and said, "No, it would mean that there was such a thing."

"Are you kidding me? You obviously love her! All you ever do is think about her, you guys always spend the night together, and I know this isn't all sex. Come on, tell me how you feel when you're with her, and I'll tell you if you're a fucking idiot or not."

"I don't know, I mean, I'm just happy. I like being with her. It's just...it's fun. It's not all sex, I know, I like her a lot, but I don't love her. I don't believe in that sort of thing." She finally took her shot, all that effort for one striped ball. She straightened up and started looking for her next angle.

"Idiot. You love her. You get this look when you talk about her; I've never seen that look on your damn face. You're in love, get over it. You were wrong, not everyone is perfect."

"I don't love her, Jan. She's great. I like being with her, I like spending time with her, I really like the sex, and everything else is really great, but I don't love her because love isn't real. You can like someone, tolerate someone, you can like someone a lot, but love is a fairytale and I'm not four anymore."

"Come on, you mean to tell me that you don't want years with this girl?"

"If I can tolerate being with her that long and still like her as much as I do, then sure, why not? But love is like Santa, and I don't believe in him either."

"You're an idiot."

"Go talk to Luce."

I felt my cheeks flush and I looked away, pretending to pay attention to the dance floor. "I can't do that."

"Why not?" I could practically hear that goddammed I-told-you-so smirk on her. "Didn't you go home with her a while ago?"

It was true, I had. I had my suspicions about it not being entirely by chance, both Koda and Devon looked pretty suspicious when I had told them. I just couldn't tell which one, and I hadn't introduced Koda to Dev yet so I knew they weren't working in cahoots. As much as I secretly hyped it up, it had been pretty uneventful. I didn't even get out of the car and walk her to her door, I was too afraid my legs wouldn't work. But still, it wasn't worth bringing up now.

In all of my thinking, Devon had taking another incredibly long shot, and missed.

"I took her home because her car broke down!"

"She wants you." Dev said with an air of superiority.

"She doesn't. She would have told me. She owns a bar and has goals in life and is older than me, she'd see me like a kid if she found out I was 19."