Broken ~ Law and order SVU

~ 3 ~

Olivia p.o.v.

During dinner it's quite. After dinner I help Kathy with the dishes. Then I go and sit at the kitchen table again. Elliot is watching TV with all the kids.

"I'm going to sit with them okay?" Kathy says as she walks towards the living room.

"Yeah sure."

I watch the whole family sit together. I suddenly feel very uncomfortable. I don't belong here. I feel useless again. I'm just a burden to everyone. I don't even notice the tears rolling down my cheeks. Suddenly I see everything happening again, the man dragging me into the alley. Knocking me to the ground. And then the rape. I see everything happen again. Then I'm back in the kitchen. I feel that I'm starting to hyperventilate. I'm panicking. I have to get out of here. I get up and because of my sudden move the chair falls. I immediately see Elliot and Kathy looking my way. I run out of the kitchen door into the backyard. I try to remain calm but I can't breathe. Then I hear the kitchen door opening and closing.

"Liv, you okay?"

I hear Elliot's voice. I turn around so I see his face. He notices I'm hyperventilating. He walks over to me.

"Just sit down for a sec okay. I'll be right back."

He runs into the house and in just a couple of seconds he returns with a paper bag in his hand. He sits down next to me and places it over my mouth and nose. After a little while I start breathing normal again. He removes the bag.

"What happened?"

"I saw everything again."

He puts his arm around me pulling me closer. "He's not gonna hurt you anymore Liv. I'll protect you. You're safe with me."

"Elliot you can't always be there for me."

"Why not?"

"What about the woman you fell in love with. You're going to be spending a lot of time with her and your kids. I'm just your partner El."

"You're more to me than just my partner Liv, you're my best friend. And the woman I fell in love with, it's you. I fell in love with you. I hope this won't ruin our friendship cause I don't want to lose you. You mean everything to me."

I stay silent for a while. He's in love with me. He feels the same about me as I feel about him. I don't know what to say.

"El.. I..."

Just as I'm about to say that I love him to I see Kathy coming out the kitchen door. Elliot turns around and sees it to.

"Are you okay?" Kathy asks me.

"Yes."

I look at Elliot and see he's desperate for an answer but I can't tell him with Kathy standing there.

"Forget what I said."

Elliot gets up and walks into the house. I feel tears in my eyes again. I've hurt him. Kathy goes after Elliot and I'm left alone on the bench, crying my eyes out. I look up at the stars. Mom, what did I do? Why do I do everything wrong? I love him, I just... I just couldn't say that while Kathy was standing there. Now he thinks I don't love him. I'm messing everything up mom. Help me please...please.

"Please."

I wipe my tears away and go into the house. I walk trough the living room, where the whole family is, and walk to the room Elliot said I could sleep in. I'm grab my suitcase and start putting my clothes in there. Now way I'm staying here tonight. I grab a piece of paper and write a small note for Elliot. Then I open the window. I throw my suitcase out and then I climb out. I didn't want to face Elliot after what happened. I walked down the street as I saw a cab. I hailed the cab and got in. I give him the name of the street I want to go to and we drive off.

Elliot p.o.v.

I can't stop thinking about Olivia. But I can't face her after what happened. I should never have said that I loved her.

"Kathy? Could you please do something for me?"

"Yes of course, what it it?"

"Can you just check on Olivia real quick?"

"Yes of course."

She smiles at me as she gets up. I get confused as she returns within seconds with a note in her hand.

"She's gone Elliot." She hands me the note.

Dear Elliot, I couldn't stay here, I'm sorry. I know I hurt you when I didn't answer you. The truth is, I love you to. I've loved you for a long time. I just couldn't say it with Kathy standing there. I'm going away for a while, don't worry, I'll be back. I love you El. Forever yours. Liv.

I sit back down on the couch.

"What's wrong dad?" Kathleen asks.

"Olivia's gone."

Eli sits down next to me. "Doesn't she love us anymore daddy?"

"O honney, she loves you guys very much."

"Then why did she leave, I thought she was going to stay for a while?" Dickie looks at me.

Then Maureen gets up. "What did you do dad? I know that look you did something."

I feel a tear running down my cheek and Kathy her hand rubbing my back.

"What did you do Elliot?"

"I told her I'm in love with her." I almost whisper.

"Then why is she gone?" Kathleen asks. "Doesn't she love you?"

"When I told her, she didn't respond. I just assumed she didn't feel the same about me. But she does. She thinks she hurt me." I immediately get up and put my coat on.

"Where are you going Elliot?" Kathy asks.

"I'm going to the precinct, I think she's there. She's depressed Kathy, maybe she'll hurt herself. I need to find her."

"Elliot, she wrote she'll be back and when she says that she means it. She'll be back. She probably just needs some time." I know she's right. "And if you haven't heard from her tomorrow we'll go and look for her okay?"

I sigh. "Okay." I take my coat of and sit back down on the couch. All the kids are staring at me.

"Dad, why is she depressed?" Dickie asks.

Just now I realise the kids don't know about anythin and they have heard the whole conversation.

"I can't tell you that. She'll tell you when she's ready."

Then I decide it's time to go to bed. It has been an extremely long day. I'm falling asleep with Olivia still on my mind.