Runaway

IX

I pushed him off of me with all the strength I had in my weak, wounded body. I was in too much shock to be able to feel the physical pain, but it sure wasn't enough to mask my mental pain.

He tumbled to the ground, hitting his back against the sharp corner of the table. He huffed in pain.

"What?!" I stared intensely into his pained eyes, "Who are you? How the hell do you know my name?!" I sat there, impatiently waiting for an explanation.

He propped himself up against the table and rubbed the back of his head. He gazed at his fiddling thumbs as he was thinking for a way to explain whatever was going on. After a few minutes of me rapidly tapping my foot against the ground, he finally opens his mouth to speak.

Nothing.

I'm sick of waiting! What the hell did he mean when he said that? Have I met him before or is he trying to play mind games?

I reached over and grabbed the pillow my leg was propped up on and swung it in his direction. The pain that shot through my body at this action caused me to completely miss him. Instead it slammed against the television, causing it to wobble in place, luckily not falling.

He completely ignored what I did, keeping his empty gaze on me. I stared into his grey eyes, searching for any emotion he might be feeling. There was nothing. He just sat there, staring at me, not saying a word.

I was so frustrated with his emptiness. I swung my hand back and forcefully slapped his freckled cheek, causing him to blink back to reality.

"What the hell was that for?!" He raised his voice as he quickly placed his cold hand against his burning cheek.

"Well you were just sitting there! What else was I supposed to do?" I frowned at his reaction. I furrowed my brows at the realization that he still hasn't answered my eager questions.

The expression on his face made it seem like he had just remembered where he was and what we were talking about. He reached out and took my hand in his. His touch scorched my skin. I tried pulling away but he tightened his grip, almost to the point where it hurt.

He pulled himself up onto the sofa, next to where I was sitting. I turned my face towards his, waiting for an answer. He continued to say nothing, leaving me in the dark.

"Boy, you better start talking or you're gonna get another slap to the face," I growled as I lifted my hand up, getting ready to swing at his delicate face again.

"Okay... okay. I just needed a moment." His eyes moved to his hand on mine.

"YOU need a moment?! I'm giving you a moment to explain what the hell you're going on about, not to be silent for 5 minutes!" I yelled in his face. He was taken back by my outburst and from the look in his eyes, he decided to start talking.

"Well, I don't know where to start..." He trailed off, scratching his head with the hand that was not grasped onto mine.

"Well how about you start with who you really are and how the hell you know me." I pulled my hand from his, even though I enjoyed the comfort it was providing.

"Alright," his gaze fell back onto my confused and impatient eyes, "My name is Dakota, same as it has been. You know that little boy you were talking about? That was me. I recognized you as soon as I saw you, but considering what's happened in the past I assumed you didn't recognize me, which you didn't." He didn't beat around the bush, which I very much appreciated.

"And... you didn't think to say anything?" I started to get annoyed.

"I didn't know where you ran off to so I just needed to process the situation."

"You didn't know where I ran off to?" My bushy eyebrows furrowed in confusing at his statement. His face turned red as he realized what he said.

"Uh, yeah. Before you ran off to live in the woods, I kept an eye on you. I made sure you were safe."

"And you didn't think to talk to me? You didn't think that maybe you should be in my life rather than watching from the sidelines?" I started to raise my voice. "Do you know how lonely it is? I sit in the woods with no one. No one to talk to, no one to keep me company, no damn soul to keep me from going crazy! My life is so empty! I have no one to help me, no one to care for me, no one to make sure I'm okay!" My eyes started watering at my outburst. I tried blinking back the tears but I knew I had to let them out soon. "You do not know how many times I've contemplated killing myself! I've sat on the ledge of the damn tree house, torn between if I should jump or keep being miserable! I've tried so many times. The thought that I won't ever have anyone there for me is what puts me on that ledge. The thought of how different things could be if things were normal is what puts me on there. The thought that I don't actually matter to anyone is what drives me to be so sure I want to end things. But the thing that saves me from jumping off the ledge to my death is the mere memory of YOU. You, or at least my memory of you, was what helped me keep fighting. The hope that one day I might actually see you again was what made me step away from that ledge.

"Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever bump into you in town. I don't know why I wonder that considering I can't even show my face in town. All I do is worry about being caught by people I don't even know. I've been alone in those woods for so many years, yet a single crack of a stick frightens me. I'm so scared of everything and I don't even know why! I don't have a single memory of what or who caused me to hide in those woods. And this damn picture! I stare at this picture every night. I used to cry myself to sleep but now, no matter how hard I try, no tears come out." I threw the folded up photo at him. "That's my mom and me. I miss her so much. I don't even remember her. I just miss the thought of her; the thought of a normal life. A life where I'm not alone. A life where I have friends and family who support me and are there for me. A life where I'm not hiding from something I don't know and a life where I don't constantly consider killing myself! And to hear that you've been watching me this whole time instead of being there for me hurts like hell. I barely know who you are now but knowing how happy you made me when I was younger and how much I needed you is what hurts in this moment. So thank you for giving me hope, but fuck you for making my life so empty and meaningless."

I watched as his eyes filled with tears. I stood up and slowly made my way to the front door, not looking back. I turned the knob slightly, hoping for him to run after; hoping for him to pull me into a hug and tell me that I'm okay and everything is okay, even though it's not. I gave him so much time to make that decision. It took what seemed like a good 5 minutes for me to make my way to the door, turn the knob, and walk out.

I slammed the door shut, realizing that he wasn't going to chase after me. I leaned my back against the outside of the front door and let out a sob. I grabbed the hair that framed my face as I slowly sunk to the ground. I let everything out on his front door mat. I let out all the tears I wasn't able to let out the past few years. I let out all of the emotion and loneliness that had been bundling up inside of me. I pulled at my hair and scrunched my eyes. I just sat there against his door, uncontrollably sobbing. I leaned my head forward and then slammed it back against the hard wood, causing me to get really dizzy.

I laid down, wishing I could just fall asleep and never wake back up. And eventually, I did fall asleep.