Smells Like Teen Angst

stupid

I threw out my favorite flannel shirt

I couldn't look at it without seeing your fucking bedsheets

the blue ones that bunched up underneath us

the ones i clenched with clammy fingers

and wouldn't let go of

I don't keep gum in my back pocket anymore

I can still feel your hot breath

on my neck on my chest on my face

oh god I hate this

I thought you could make me feel something

but now I can't feel

anything

all I am now is paper bag skin

I can hear myself tearing

you sucked my soul out through my throat

breathed it into your own lungs

let it mingle with other souls and cigarette smoke

like it didn't even fucking matter

like I didn't matter

I can't sleep

all I hear is

your staggered breaths and my silence

I don't see your eyes

you didn't look at me

all I see is bare skin

clothes on the carpet

the alarm clock

11:38 11:39 11:40 11:41

zip

i remember clutching the steering wheel

with shaking hands

couldn't stop fucking shaking

my knuckles turned white as the light turned green

stay in your lane, stupid

I offered myself on a silver platter

you devoured me

picked my bones clean and

spit out my blood

like I knew you would that was the deal

I made the choice

now live with it, stupid

This is the spell I cast

with a clenched jaw and a bad memory

the magic hasn't kicked in yet

someday I will say it didn't matter

and mean it

maybe after I've seen more bare skin and clothes on different carpets

more alarm clocks

maybe once I've seen someone's eyes