Fair Grounds - Short Stories

Journey

The moon shines brightly over the path as if I'm standing in a spotlight. I'm thankful for the lush bushes making up the maze which serve to both hide me and give me direction. Somehow I know without them I would just lay upon my back right where I am and spend another night with the ghosts of my dreams. But tonight is different. I'm brave, albeit wobbly, and for once I'll go to him first.

I kick my off my heavy silver pumps to get the feel of the smooth worn path upon my bare skin. Somehow, it's a new sensation. Perhaps it's the wine, but I feel both heavy boned and light footed for the first time.  My instinct tells me to keep moving, as if I'm headed home after being lost. Familiar, that's how it feels, as if this journey has called my name for centuries instead of years.

I know he's traced these steps. My Josiah. His feet have made this path, worn it smooth with late night visits to me. Guided by this moon, pushed by a force far greater than tides and fate. He has visited my dreams since my first night here. In the beginning, watching from shadows, then slowly, sitting upon my bed. Until he eventually lay next to me taking up no space with his lightness of being, but all the same encompassing me in arms as light as feathers and taking me to distant places in a world beyond my own.

He feared me in the beginning. Whispering "dream", as if I could believe it. As of any dream I ever had was of me feeling complete. Orphans don't dream of love and lust and touches like hot fire upon their skin. They dream of fathers and mothers and tables of food. It wasn't until I came here that I stopped those. When I belonged. But Not to her, Mary.  Although she is good and kind and brought me up as her own. But I am not hers. It's Josiah that owns me, and I own him. 

The veil between us has always been paper thin. As if it were a eyelet curtain just waiting for a soft wind to lift it away. Tonight I need not close my eyes to feel his pull. And of course I'll answer. He is fullness, and desire, he is home to my soul.

I push past the dizziness and unbalanced state and move forward before losing sight of the moon. Dark clouds must have encompassed it and I stand still. For a moment I freeze, telling myself to stay calm and not panic. But pressure builds upon my chest as if it is being crushed and I realize I am trapped and alone in the middle. I am crossing a line between Mary who has loved and cared for me as her own flesh; who has supported me despite my frailty all and has only ever denied me one thing, and Josiah, her son who has given me a purpose, a beating of my heart, and makes me burn with want for nothing more than one more minute of togetherness.

I flee, without the light, direction, or purpose. Running through an endless dark tunnel. Branches slice and cut my pale skin like razors grabbing bits of hair as souvenirs. And yet I cannot stop the panic of this dark abyss. My lungs feel tight and air refuses to come and I thrash and fight at everything and nothing. As the crushing pain in my chest comes and goes like a heartbeat.

I fall upon the cool damp earth and think  about the comfort of home behind me. Warm soft lights and meals prepared with my tastes in mind. A soft bed, clothes and security which I have always dreamed of, and Mary whose old hands are both strong and gentle.

I feel my lungs fill again with air and use it to scream his name "Josiah!"  And know I cannot turn around and head back. Not tonight. Tonight is the night to claim him as my own. I think of his strong jaw, his dark hair and those eyes filled with the sadness of one always just beyond reaching the thing they desire most. And I know it's me. I see it come to those eyes at night when he sees me, and see them dim again just before sunlight when he takes his leave. I complete him as much as he does me.

The clouds must part, for I see my worn path again hazy and spinning before me. I stand, wiping bits of dirt and blood from my face and run where it leads. Pain crushes my chest again, and again it ends with a light full feeling of air. I use this moment to run deeper, turning and twisting with the hedge maze, leading me towards him.