TRIGGER WARNING!!!!!!!!!!!!
I cant believe Magnus talked me into this again. I weaved through all the people crowding the flat, trying to find an unoccupied corner. I hate when he throws these parties. but I want him happy so I put up with them.
Where did he go now? Wait...... I saw I brightly colored man with no pants on, and no shirt. He did have a girl on his arm though. No, he wouldn't, he would not do this to me. I saw the mans face clearer before tears flooded my eyes. No. My eyes are playing tricks on me. They have to be.
Before I could stop myself, I ran to the bar. I told the bartender Magnus hired, to get me the strongest thing he had. I downed it and about eight others before I was cut off. Damn it. Why did he do this? Was I not good enough? I knew no one would ever love me. Why did I have to fall for him?
This is my fault! If Isabelle didn't stop me a couple years ago this wouldn't have happened. Thinking of that day I went to mine and his room. Trying not to cry anymore, thinking about him.
I went to the bathroom and opened the one drawer that held my stuff. I ran my fingers along the bottom before I was stopped with a slight pain coming from my finger tips. I knew I found it immediately. I promised myself. People break promises. Nothing goes right. Every try.
I pull the blade free from the tape enclosing it as quick as I could. I cant get it fast enough. I pull the blade across my skin. Again and again. So many times I lost count. I could feel my bleed exiting my body. I could feel it running down my skin, around my arm. I hear the drops falling onto the white tiles of the bathroom floor. They are not all that white anymore. All I could see was burry red. Everywhere was red. Everything was red.
It didn't help. I still felt the pain. The pain from Magnus. The pain of love. The pain of not being good enough for another person. First my parents, now Magnus. Maybe my parents were right I am a disgrace. To ShadowHunters. To the family name. I don't deserve to have the Lightwood name. I don't deserve to be happy. I don't deserve to be with Magnus. I don't deserve to be alive. I don't deserve the Angel blood in my veins and being able to walk this world.
That was the last thought in my head before I saw black instead of all the painful heart broken love filled color. Red. I cant be loved, why do I even try.
MAGNUS POV
I was trying to find Alec when some girl pulled me towards a group of people. Being me I started talking slowly they went to the dancefloor Everyone except the one who pulled me over here. she lifted my shirt so all I was wearing was my under where, as you might know I hate pants.
we talked about random stuff and I could tell she was flirting but I acted oblivious to it. I love my Alec, why would I ruin it? I'm not stupid.
After a while I went to the dance floor and danced with some selies. 'Where has Alec gone?' I started to look around for him before I went to the be room upstairs, I heard crying coming from the bathroom. I tried to open in but it was looked after a minute or two of trying to open the door the crying stopped. Oh no. I franticly waved my fingers and opened the door the easy way. When it opened all I saw was red.
Alec.....in the corner.....covered in blood. I rushed over and stared healing him. Why did he do this to himself? Doesn't he see how much he means to everyone. Sure his parents are a pair of dicks, so much so I don't know why they are mad at him for being gay. I thought he was over it. Was it me? Did I do something wrong? Alec please wake up and tell me what happened. Please. Please. Please. I need you.
I heard his breath hitch as his eyes flittered open. Thank Fuck (the best thing ever to do with him, EVER!!!!!!!!!). He started crying as soon as he was awoken. I grabbed him and pulled him closer, comforting him as best I could.
"Alec.........." I couldn't speak anything other than his name. Tears rushed down my face. He was okay, well physically.
"I'm sorry. What ever I did. I'm so sorry." He said between sobs.
"What do you mean? You didn't do any thing wrong. I promise." I said still hugging him. I played with his hair between my fingers, calming him down slowly.
"Then why does my parents hate me and why do you want to replace me? I must of done something unforgivable that I shouldn't be here anymore." He started sobbing once again, into my shoulder.
"Your parents are full of shit for not liking the way you are, and why would I replace you. I love you. So very much." I whispered into his hair. "What happened?"
"I saw you......with her.....you weren't wearing anything.....why?" He said between sobs.
"Oh her, she was flirting with me, she pulled my shirt off, we talked. Nothing more I love you to much to do anything to hurt you. Or to loose you. You are the reason I love living again. You are everything to me. My home, my world, my universe. There is no one that would ever compare to you." I spoke softly and quietly. I need him to know how much he means to me.
"I'm sorry, I should have trusted you, I love you. I will only love you. That is why it hurt so bad. Nothing took away the pain except right now being with you. Please don't leave me."
"If I left you I would be the one dead, not you. Now let's get you and this mess cleaned up so we can kick everyone out. Then lets make some noise of our own," I said as I winked at him at the last part. I snapped my fingers, instantly cleaning up the mess.
