Alienation

Chapter 1

Sometimes I wonder what my destiny is. I’m an illegitimate child. But I’m blessed enough that my father acknowledged me. My half-siblings and my father’s wife didn’t though. To them, I am nothing but a reminder of their father’s, and husband’s unfaithfulness.

My father died five months ago. I’m still mourning for his loss. But I have to be strong, and I have to accept it. Things happen for a reason. There is a reason for everything. What? I don’t know.

I’ve been considered – well, they never consider me. They don’t even acknowledge my existence. I guess it’s the best that they can give me right now. At least they’re not maltreating me or something. They being my father’s family. I don’t really know if I can call them my family. The only one who considered me family was my father.

Now, I’m on my way to Samar Island, riding on a boat. I’m only sixteen. But because of lacking of anything to do, I decided that to help even with just petty works in my father’s company. I guess, it’s a whole lot better than staying at home where nobody acknowledges my presence save for Annie and Aunt Cherry, two of our house maids, who also are my friends despite the 40-year difference between my and Aunt Cherry’s age, and our gardener.

The people on my father’s company knew me very well already. With all the time I spent in there since my mother died and I was transferred in my father’s custody. I find technology really interesting. They do softwares and programs for business establishments and even government agencies. Man’s intelligence really fascinates me.

Before my dad died, he wanted to venture in the telecommunications’ business. The preparations had already been made. All the planning and stuff.

And the reason I’m going to Samar Island is to test how far our transceiver can receive and transmit air signals. I’m riding a boat instead of a plane, which would have been more convenient, because the signal that I’m testing might mess up with the plane’s signal. I’m not really familiar with how planes work. So I might mess up with the reason, whatever it is, why it is not allowed for people to turn on their phones.

It’s hot, sweltering hot. Well, what would I expect, it’s summer. It’s still March, March 31 to be exact. There’s a reason why March is considered the ‘Fire Protection Month’ by the government.

I really hope we’d reach Samar soon. So far, there’s no island in sight. Just the endless expanse of the ocean.

For some reason, I’m nervous. Maybe it has something to do with being in the sea. I’m not the one to be sea sick, car sick or whatever. I have a strong tummy. But I can’t shake the feeling that something life-changing is about to happen. I can feel it in the air. Or maybe that was just the heat? Even the air is unusually hot. Well, I don’t really know how the air in the seas usually is.

Suddenly, the boat gave a lurch, earning a few squeaks and shrieks from the passengers. But it stopped quickly. Leaving the passengers murmuring words of comfort to their companions. My companion, a guy in his late twenties, who was asleep beside me a while ago stirred. We were seated inside a compartment where the seats are, like bus seats. It’s just a small boat, considering it’s only a three-hour ride. We really don’t need bedrooms.

“You okay, Phinea?”

I nodded. And smiled. It’s really touching how these computer geeks always make sure that I’m okay. Maybe they can see the potential computer geek in me too.

“Are we there yet? It’s really hot.” I asked him, just to make conversation.

He glanced at his wrist watch. “Uh, well, forty-five minutes more I guess. How’s the signal going?”

I glanced at the device in my hands. “Still strong.” I smiled.

He nodded. And we fell into silence for about ten minutes, I guess.

Then suddenly, the boat gave another lurch, this time ten times stronger the first. Shrieks, far louder than the first one filled the air.

I paled and clutched my seat tighter, the device on one hand. Is this the life-changing thing that I’m feeling a while ago? Well, if this boat is going to sink, and I’m going to drown, I guess it’s not counted as life-changing anymore. Because I’d have no life then.

Why am I thinking of these things?

I did not scream. But I can feel the panic growing up inside me, eating me away.

George, the one with me, held my hand. “We’re going to be okay.” He assured me. But it sounded more like he’s assuring himself.

This time, the boat is not just giving a lurch at a time, but it’s practically rocking back and front, left and right, really hard.

I clutched my seat tighter.

I can see the dark clouds forming in the east, and directly above us. A storm is forming. But how? The weather forecast said that there would be absolutely no clouds in sight. And a storm? In March? How on earth?

The air is already filled with children crying, vomiting, mothers and fathers, assuring their children that it’s going to be okay. But they themselves are stricken with fear. People are running everywhere. Some already have their life jackets on. And there is a voice coming from the speakers but it seems like nobody is listening to it.

Is this how I’m going to die? I can’t move. I’m rooted to my spot. It’s like I’m in a ride in an amusement park, trying to throw me off. Except this is not amusing. Not in the slightest bit.

George is tugging on my hand, screaming something in my ear, but I can’t hear him. Not in this panic, in this chaos, in this state that I’m in.

Then suddenly, I can hear him. “Phinea! We have to get life jackets! This boat looks like it’s going to capsize soon!”

And we were suddenly on the move. Running. More like crawling. George is tugging on my hand, guiding me. We run past the people who are on the way. It’s really hard to move when the ground you’re standing in is also moving. I can see some people being thrown off the sea already.

Oh God. Help them. Help us.

How can a storm grow in such a short time? The sun was just directly overhead minutes ago. Surely, storms aren’t created this fast? We’re all going to die.

No! We’re going to live through this. We will. But… if this is really the end… my end, then I’d gladly accept it. I could be with father then, wherever he had gone off. And my mother, even though my memories of her are vague, I know she loved me, still loves me, wherever she is.

I fell on the floor for the umpteenth time. But this time, I lost George’s hand in mine. I can’t stand up, I can’t see clearly, I lost my eyeglasses, and I can feel the tears running down my cheeks.

Gasp.

Somebody stepped on me, probably broken a couple of ribs in the process. I screamed in pain, trying so hard to get up. But people can’t see me. And my scream is hardly even heard in the crowd.

Lord, help me. People are stepping on me like I’m a carpet.

This is it. I’m going to die. I would not even die from drowning.

With that last coherent thought, I gave in to the blackness, feeling the cold water embrace me, and a sucking feeling which I gave no thought.