My Second kiss

Chapter 24

Chapter Twenty-Four

"It's actually kind of a funny story," Jess replied, but he wasn't smiling, "Parent-teacher conferences were last week at my school and-"

Bridget jumped in, "Your mom is going out with one of your teachers?" She threw her head back with an amused cackle, and I punched her in the arm.

Jess shifted in his chair. "No, nothing like that. But he's the dad of one of my friends at school. It was just weird to have him show up at my door all dressed up, holding flowers, you know." He stared at the ice in his glass.

Mom reached out and touched Jess's arm. "It would probably be a little strange to see any man other than your father showing up at your door for your mom, but I think this will be really good for her."

I watched Mom carefully scoop a bite of food onto her fork. I thought about her dating if and when Dad died. The thought caused an actual pain to burst in my chest, right where my heart was. I looked at Jess. It must be different for him, though; his father was so terrible. Surely he would be glad to see his mom dating other men.

Mom spoke again, "The truth is that I bet this is even harder for Caris to be going on a date right now than it is for you. I mean, imagine going out on your first date after all these years of being married." Mom's voice cracked, and she held her napkin up to her mouth. An uneasy silence fell over the table as Dad wrapped his arm around her shoulders. It was absolutely impossible for me to take my eyes off my parents. I watched carefully as Dad stroked Mom's hair, and she buried her forehead into his chin. They were like two pieces of a puzzle; they fit together perfectly. How would Mom ever be able to be with another man? I felt the beating of my heart grow more rapid, and it became difficult to breathe.

Eventually Mom lifted her head and asked with a forced smile, "Gemma, did you see Trace today?"

I felt embarrassed that my entire family including Jess knew all about my crush on Trace. Was I really that much of an open book? I ducked my head as I answered, "Yes, but I think he likes Drew, so it doesn't really matter."

Everyone at the table continued eating quietly. Mom was the only one to respond. "I'm sorry, honey."

"It's okay. I never expected him to like me anyway. He's way out of my league."

"Oh, that is such bull crap," Bridget spat.

We all looked at her speechless, waiting for an explanation.

"Look at yourself in the mirror, Gemma. I don't care how inexperienced and self-doubting you are. You have this perfect little body and this shiny long brown hair that somehow wisps perfectly around your face whenever the slightest breeze blows past you." She tucked her own short hair behind her ears and stabbed at a piece of meat with her fork. "If I notice it, you can bet your pants that the boys at your school notice it."

We all sat in complete shock looking at Bridget, trying to figure out if that was a compliment or an insult.

Jess was the first one to speak, "See, Gemma? Bridget is the toughest critique out there. If you can impress her, you got it made."

Bridget cringed and fidgeted in her seat. "I never said I was impressed."

"Jess," Mom said as she redirected the conversation, "your mom told me you are going to California for the summer. When do you leave?"

I jerked my head at Jess. "What? You're going?" Then I paused as the reality of a Jess-less summer unfolded before me. My chest felt heavy and my eyes began to burn as I stared at Jess with angry eyes.

"And you didn't tell me?"

Jess looked at the rest of my awkwardly staring family while he wiped at his mouth with a napkin and swallowed the food in his mouth.

"Gemma," he whispered, "let's talk about this later."

I turned back to Mom. "How long have you known?"

Mom's mouth was gaping. "I'm sorry, I just assumed that Jess had told you."

"How long?" I asked again.

Mom looked at Jess with apologetic eyes while searching for the right thing to say.

Then Bridgett entered the conversation. "Well I've known for at least a week and I couldn't care less, so ..." She shrugged her shoulders apathetically and continued eating her food.

I couldn't say a word. I couldn't look at my family, who had known all this time that Jess was leaving and hadn't thought to say a word about it to me. And I definitely couldn't look at Jess, who hadn't had the decency to tell me himself. I got up from the table and without saying a word I walked out the front door and into the dark night. I kept walking down the porch steps and across the front lawn until the lights from my house no longer lit up the air around me.

I heard my front door slam, and soon rapid footsteps were coming up behind me. "Gemma!" It was Jess, and as mad at him as I was, I still couldn't help but want to turn into his arms. But I didn't. My pride wouldn't let me. So I kept walking, my arms stiff and angry at my sides. Soon Jess caught up to me and grabbed me gently on my arm. "Gemma, listen to me."

I stopped and glared at him in the darkness. I wanted to hurt him as badly as he had hurt me.

He caught his breath and continued, "I wanted to tell you... "

"So why didn't you?" I spat.

"Because I knew you'd be upset. You were dealing with so much already between your dad and this Trace thing ... "

I laughed angrily. "Trace? You didn't tell me because of Trace?"

"You've just been really preoccupied lately and-"

"Don't you dare blame this on me! I wasn't preoccupied with Trace!" I lifted both of my arms in exasperation. "Jess, you mean everything to me! Who cares about Trace? He doesn't matter! What matters is that you are going to be three thousand miles away!"

"It's only for three months, Gemma. It's not that big of a deal."

You know when you're a little kid and you fall off something like the monkey bars or the trampoline, and after the initial hit you can't breathe for a second; you literally can't catch your breath because it's completely knocked out of you? Well, that's exactly what happened to me, right then, when Jess said that being away from me for three months wasn't that big of a deal.

I stepped away from him slowly, my body aching with the realization that he meant a whole lot more to me than I was ever going to mean to him. My jaw tightened as I turned back to the dark road. "You're right," I whispered with a raw voice. "It's not that big of a deal." I let my arm slip out of Jess's grasp and I walked away. This time he didn't follow.