Operation:DREAMGIRL (The Reluctant Diary of a Lovesick Average Joe)

PROLOGUE: "Battle of The Sexes"

 July 2010: “Battle Of The Sexes!”

PROLOGUE: [A random night at the bar with my female bff Dayna, trying to school me at 8 ball, while helping me deal with the fall out of yet another dating disaster…]

“You want ME to do WHAT?!” I asked her emphatically.

“Write your feelings out in a diary…or better yet, a book of poems.  There’s nothing wrong with that.” she finished, after taking another sip of her rum & coke.

Nothing wrong with that? Is she smoking crack?!

I looked around nervously, at all the hot females in the bar that night as I formulated my knee jerk response.

“Hell yeah there is!”  I started to reply.  Then even more emphatically I added “Like for starters, I’m a GUY, in case you haven’t noticed.”

She wasn’t phased in the least by my almost juvenile male outburst.  She replied effortlessly “Yeah, you’re a guy…AND?” she challenged.

AND? Is she for real…what the Hell does she mean AND?  That’s as self-explanatory as it gets! I thought.

I was almost visibly annoyed as I considered her comment and opened my mouth to meet her challenge head on.

“AND, guys don’t do that stuff.  Hell I don’t even like reading poetry myself!” I reminded her for like the umpteenth time. 

Now she just gave me a smirk as she prepared to take the “kid gloves off”, and let me have it.

“Listen Joe, who do you think you’re talking to here…one of these stray chics you hope to take home later?  You can’t fool me, I’ve known you for like…almost 20 years now?”

“Whoa! Whoa!” I interrupted her instantly, with a playful smile.  “Slow down there, with your real life artistic license.  It’s only been like 15…we’re not THAT old yet!” I finished sarcastically.

She laughed.

“Ha Ha!  Okay, whatever…15 years” she replied graciously.  “The point is you might have all those young chics you been trying to date fooled into thinking your some kind of super cool macho man or something…” she then paused to pick up the unfolded napkin with the make shift heart break rap I had scribbled on it, and began waving it in front of me as she continued.  “But I know you way better than that!  As this wicked break-up poem you just made clearly proves: You are like THE poster boy for being Mister Sensitivity.”

I had to admit for the most part she was speaking the truth.  But that didn’t mean I wanted the whole world to know it.

I continued to argue.

“Okay 1st of all for the record, that was a Rap I was writing, NOT a poem.” I began defensively. 

She rolled her eyes and sighed loudly as she responded.  “Ohh geez give me a break!  Rap, poem…they’re all the same when it’s on paper.  Stop being such a guy!” 

I shook my head in disbelief as I responded.

“That’s my point.  I AM A GUY.  That’s what I been trying to tell you.” I stated.

Holy Flip…tell a Zebra to change it’s stripes why don’t you!

Dayna chuckled at the obvious irony of my argument, but was quick to counter.

“Yeah, but you don’t have to act so Neanderthal about it.”  She practically scolded me in response.  “Your not a cave man.  Open your mind…grow a little bit as a human being.  It’s the 21st Century for crying out loud.”   

Reluctantly I gave her the point.

“Fine…yes I might tend to wear my heart on my sleeve when I’m talking to you, and complaining about all my dating woes.  But that’s just because I have no one else to talk to like that.”  I paused to catch my breath, and then added with conviction. “I mean as tough as I may act, a guy has to get his emotions out somewhere.  Heck, even the Hulk has Betty to calm him down and turn him into baby Hulk, when things start to get way out of hand.”

Once again, she laughed, as she balled her hands into fists, raised her arms and flexed her muscles at the same time.

“And Hulk is Strongest There Is!” she yelled playfully.

I laughed.

“EXACTLY!” I replied loudly with a grin.  “Now your starting to get what I’m saying!”

 “Alright, alright, calm down home boy, no need to get excited.  You made your point.” she paused for effect then continued.  “BUT, I hate to burst your little fan-boy bubble, but you are far from being The Hulk, and I definitely ain’t your girlfriend OR Betty.” 

I couldn’t help but chuckle, as Dayna finished with a tinge of sarcasm.

“So as much as I love hearing your never ending dating sob stories…the reality is any day now Greg is going to put a nice big shiny rock on this finger of mine, and your days of kidnaping me at all hours of the night to regale me with tales of yet another girl of your dreams that got away will officially be over!”

Damn!  How’s that for tough love!?

I hated to hear it…and was even more determined not to actually agree with her at the time.  

But really it didn’t matter anyways.  Because it wouldn’t be very long at all before I would soon have to accept the plain truth.

Dayna was right.