Dreaming. *Zayn Malik.*

Chapter Four.

                Treatment would be kicking in just a few hours away now. I tried so hard not to think about the pain I would be in just in a couple of hours, right now I tried to stay focused on guessing to myself where Zayn was taking me too. He wouldn’t tell me which meant I would probably love it, but it was always fun to tease him about it.         

                I liked to watch Zayn’s face light up when I would guess something and not be close. I liked to hear Zayn laugh when I would pout, and I loved the feeling Zayn’s left on me after he kissed my hand when I would act angry or when he would run his hand down my-now hairless- head.  He would do anything to keep the smile on my face so I planned to do the same thing for him.

                “Zayn I don’t understand why you hate me.” I pouted making him smile. His eyes flickered over to me only for a second before he went back to the road. But I wanted them to stay on me forever because I just wanted to be able to sit there, and stay looking at Zayn forever. I wanted him to look me in my eyes for the rest of my life because even on my weakest days when I couldn’t move he had a way of making me feel alive.

                “Erin I don’t hate you. If I hated you I wouldn’t have married you,” He winked in my direction sending a hot flash through my body. I felt my neck warm up and my cheeks were sure to be bright pink. Zayn was used to seeing me blush but treatment had made me pale for some unknown reason so even the slightest blush was like my face looked like a fire.

                “You just married me for my body.” I said as if it was nothing. He laughed at this slightly leaning forward in his seat hitting the wheel with his chest. I watched him carefully because he really intrigued me. Zayn wasn’t just a normal human being; he had his own way of doing things. Even the way he walked it was like he was rebelling against the rest of us. He just wanted to be his own person.

                “No that was a perk,” And it was my turn to laugh. My head rested against the window and I felt the slight chill of it on my head. That made me look up into the mirror and my smile faded. I didn’t seem beautiful anymore, my hair was gone. I was hairless and colorless. Nothing was me anymore, so was Zayn still in love with me? The new me?

                “Stop that, don’t second guess yourself Erin. You are the most beautiful girl on this earth.” I knew Zayn could read me like a book when he wanted too, and sometimes when he didn’t mean to. But his words never failed to make my heart rate pick up. I wanted so bad to know if he really meant that. Did he really believe that I was the most beautiful girl to him?

                “Here we are,” Zayn pulled into the grass. Mostly because that was all there was. We were in the middle of a huge grass field with a hill which held one tree. The flowers lightly blooming on the tree a pretty shade of pink. There were absolutely no traces of any houses nearby and I really questioned what we were doing here.

                “Are you here to kill me?” I asked Zayn raising an eyebrow at him. He just laughed and shook his head and opened his door. I followed his actions only to be met by Zayn opening the door behind his seat. He pulled out a basket that had a blanket resting on top of it. I smiled to my feet because I knew what he was doing.

                “Number two, have a picnic.” Zayn walked behind the car and grabbed my hand. This was really sweet of him knowing that I didn’t want to go to treatment in the first place and then bringing me to have a picnic to cheer me up.

                “This is perfect Zayn,” I told him leaning against the tree on the hill. He was getting the blanket ready but he paused and looked up to me through his eyelashes and smiled small to me. Once the black blanket was set up he motioned for me to sit down next to me.

                “Why are you so sweet to me?” I asked laying my head on Zayn’s panted legs. He just chuckled and pulled the basket over to him. I waited for his answer but it never came he just set a small bowl of fruit onto my stomach. My mouth watered at the sight of it because I really just loved fruit, but I didn’t think my stomach could hold anything down, I was starting to feel the effects of today’s treatments.

                “I’m being serious, why?” This made Zayn stop what he was doing and look down at me. His eyes flickered from my eyes to my hands that were resting on my stomach playing with the fruit bowl. He pulled both of his hands out of the basket and rubbed the top of my head gently.

                “Erin I’m sweet to you because I love you. Because you mean everything to me, and after everything I and everyone else has put you through you deserve the best. And as much as I don’t believe I’ll ever be worthy of the things you say to me after what I did to you, you still believe I’m the best thing ever. So I plan to own up to it because I just want to see you smile. Your smile means more to me than air. I wish I could put into words what you mean to me, but I can’t. It’s merely impossible to think about words to describe what you do to me.” My heart fluttered and I felt a small tear fall down my cheek. I sat up and placed my head into my hands. I felt Zayn’s hands wrap around my wrists pulling them off my face making me look at him.

                “I will never forgive myself for the things I said to you, and for leaving you all those years ago. Erin I don’t deserve your forgiveness, I really don’t. But you insisted to forgive me and love me. And I love that you do that, I just don’t understand how I got so lucky to have you love me. Normal girls would hate me, most girls do hate me. But you love me, and for reasons I’ll never know, but I’m going to spend the rest of my life trying to do something that makes me believe I deserve everything you’ve given me,” I knew that to most people his words wouldn’t make sense. It was hard for me to even come up with, but this was his attempt to put into words what I meant to him I think. So I smiled at him and let my heart rate pick up when he leaned down and pressed a small kiss to my nose.

                “I love you Erin Malik,” And for a second I forgot my last name. I had been married for months now and I still wasn’t used to it. For a second I thought maybe Zayn was confused. I was in a dream state and nothing made sense then. But after a moment I realized that I am Erin Malik. And Zayn loves me. And even if he doesn’t believe it, he deserves everything I’ve given to him.