Sometimes all you need is a fresh start.
Get away from the people that hold you down.
Take up new hobbies.
Go to different places.
I know that's what I need right now, but deleting your entire life isn't easy at all. To become a new person- the one without a mask in the masquerade of the world- isn't the hard part though. It's the getting rid of the past.
There's always going to be a past to me, when I pass somebody on the street that I used to know what do I do? Keep walking or talk to them? If I ignore them who knows what sort of hate they'll start through social media or even in real life. If I talk to them they may drag me back to who I used to be, all my effort for nothing. It would be easier to stay the way it is now.
But would it be better? The way things are now I feel like shit. I feel like everything and anything I do is wrong solely because I am me. If I were anybody else it would be alright. Surely this hate I'm surrounded by can't be better than a fresh slate, I'm beat up mentally but it would be better to escape with these bruises than to be left broken, would it not? Maybe I'm just over sensitive, maybe I'm seeing myself being victimized when in reality I'm just being prejudice.
Here I am, sitting at my computer contemplating what to do. Looking at our chats, scrolling all the way back to the very first "hey, this is ___." and seeing how we've changed. If we've changed. After scouring through every message sent I'm no better off than I was before. Not even technology can help me now, this choice is one I make myself.
I guess this was never something that could be dealt with logically, it is a matter of emotions. How do I feel with these people? If it isn't making me feel good then I should do something that makes me happy and confident, that something may be replacing them.
I don't feel great about leaving them though, it's all a mess of obligation versus my mental wellbeing. In the end I just don't know, what should I do? What do I do? I know I can never escape these people, they'll continue to pop up. Getting a new life doesn't happen in a matter of seconds, but it needs to start somehow.
I right click on your username. One of the options is Block User. Maybe... maybe I can start now. Nothing too big, nothing unrepairable, but something to start the era of Me 2.0, the me that makes myself happy. Inhale, exhale. I press "yes". The next pop-up window asks me if I am really sure. There's a couple seconds of doubt, but in the end I know this is what I want. "confirm"
There will be consequences, you will notice I never respond to what you send. I made this choice myself though, and I am standing by it. I'm going to restart. No matter what you do.
