In Memory

2: What Hurts the Most

What hurts the most was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing what could have been
And not seeing that loving you is what I was tryin' to do

- Rascal Flatts

     The night before she had pulled an all-nighter working on a project for her English class. She was excited over the project; it had to do with poetry. She had unintentionally become the teacher's pet; it probably wouldn't hurt that she was about to turn in the project early.

     Maybe it was because of her tiredness that she didn't notice there was something different about her teacher that day. Normally her teacher would be very bubbly in demeanor, but today she was quiet.

     Then the bell rang.

     Her teacher went to the front of the class, and called for their attention. She pointed out that the principal was here to make an announcement. The principal made his way to the front of the class and held out a piece of paper. The class waited attentively. He started reading a letter.

     As he began reading, it didn't click for her as to what was happening. But then came that moment where the principal said his first name...

     She started panicking. There were two boys with that name in her class. And they were best friends. She turned to look at their seats. Both were empty.

     "Oh my god. Which one...?" Her heart started pounding.

     It was him. Her wonderful, charming, funny boy.

     She saw one of his friends lower his head on the table and close his eyes. Her teacher was crying and looked pale. A lot of the students broke out in tears. An eerie quiet resonated in the room.

     As for her, it took a couple seconds to realize what she had just heard. No more strawberry blonde hair, no more freckles, no more half smiles with a mischievous charm. No more him. It couldn't be. She stared at his empty chair once more.

     With everything she had gone through within the past year, she had never actually felt her heart break. Not until that day. She raised her hands to a God she was struggling to believe in and just said, "I can't handle this." And that's all she could get out. Her tears overwhelmed her; she couldn't breathe.

     It was only seven months earlier she had had to deal with losing another friend. She had known him since she was four years old, and had liked him since she was eight. And now seven months later, she lost another close to her heart. She grew fearful of liking anyone. She secretly called herself the Black Widow,thinking she had put a curse on whoever she ended up liking.

     She couldn't wait to get out of that classroom. Maybe if she ran away from it, that letter wouldn't be true. Maybe it was just a cruel prank by the school.

     The bell rang and ended the heavy silence.

     She walked out of the classroom, and looked around. The world seemed darker. She couldn't see straight from the tears. As she made her way to her second period,she was approached by a couple of her friends who knew of her feelings. They gave her consoling hugs with tears running down their cheeks.

     She barely made it through the next couple periods. Then came fourth period, Honors Pre-Calculus. Before the class, her childhood best friend came running towards her.

     "Oh my god, are you ok?" And they ended up in a long embrace full of tears. She had to go to class, so they parted ways. Fourth period was a blur of tears and half-effort to do mathematical equations.

     Then it was time for lunch. She went through the motions of going to a line to buy food. Afterwards, she and her best friend headed to a teacher's classroom (who just so happened to be a friend who was in the same religion as them). He had heard the horrible news and was empathetic towards them.

     She looked down at her food and realized she had no appetite. She just wanted to go home.

     Fifth period was a blur...and then sixth period. Ah, sixth period. The second class she had had with him in it. He was the highlight of her day in the beginning and the end. But now she had to face another empty chair.

     Her best friend got permission to leave her class to stay with her, as a comfort. She greatly appreciated that. And again, the class was full of shocked silence.

     The final bell rang. The school day was over.

     She and her best friend started walking to where they normally got picked up by her mom after school. They got in the car, and her mom asked how their day was. More tears escaped as she explained what happened. Her mom stopped the car in disbelief.

     If there was anything to be grateful for that day, it was that it was Friday. She had a weekend to pull herself together. She didn't realize how long it would actually take.