if yesterday was now

Yesterday begins..

As i came home from school i notice a lot of boxes outside and my neighbors gathered around my dad. I pulled him to the side "dad what's going on?" oh nothing just you know your mom cheated on me with some guy in Alabama.... His eyes were sad and his face had little emotion, i can't help but to be mad with him. She told me that she was going to go off with her friend to help her get her mind off of things because she was raped but none of that was true. The truth was that she had drove 8 hours to leave her husband and kids to go see some guy that she knew a long time ago... My dad had shown me the facebook messages that she had sent him. ( He hacked into her profile) and then he began to cry a little. So much has changed in the time that i woke up to now... I am so confused.. I got on my phone and texted my mom.. "how could you?!? you have a family, you lied to your family the only people who have ever really been here for you for one night with someone that you used to know how could you do this to me. Just when i thought that everything was finally gonna be okay again and then you ruin it. You know how hard this year has been for me and now by doing this you ruined my life. dads leaving you mom, you have been caught, and me and your son are leaving you too... how did you really think that you were going to get away with this.." I went to my room and i turned on my xbox and tried to play it off, and talk to my friends like everything okay but my acting wasn't good enough, or the craziness in my voice was worse than i thought but before i knew it, it was quiet in my room. My mom never texted me back. I helped my dad pack and i watched him cry.. All he kept on saying was i'm sorry. How could she do this to him. he's my dad... He is such a good guy why would you throw him and us away.. He kept on telling me that he doesn't know what he is going to do, and i said go no your moms, she's only 15 min away, but he felt bad asking for help. The next day when i came home daddy was gone. I texted him "where r u???" Im at work, do you want me to come home? "why r u at work so l8? i'm sleeping here... Oh my gosh, my dad is sleeping in a storage building are you kidding me. I'm going to my nana's tonight since she is coming home i don't know how i am gonna be able to see her right now.. she has made me lose my mind and i just don't think i can even take hearing her voice. Every night she would text me and say " i don't understand why you can't come home" " i miss you" "have you heard from your dad" "i hate being in this house alone" " do you hate me" she would try and make me feel bad for her by telling me that she is so sorry and that it was all a mistake, and that she goes in my room and holds my cow and that it smells like me. She said that she wants to be a family again. She also kept on saying that she didn't do anything which we all know is a lie. At my nana's its pretty hard to get service anyways which was my "excuse" for not picking up her calls and not replying to her text. My dad comes by to see me when i get out of school which is nice, i miss my brother tho. He is in sunbury with his friend so he doesn't get service either, there's not many towers in a little town. As days go by i keep on thinking to myself, i want to go home, but i don't know. I hate being cooped up in a house days on end without an escape. I get the bright idea to go and visit my cousin crystal for the weekend since my best friend was busy so she came and picked me up at the field near my nana's house since she wasn't allowed there. My weekend was fun, me and her chilled, stayed on the clouds, and swam a little too, but when she dropped me off, she dropped me off at my house. I kept on telling her that we can see her mom and dad which lived right down the road but i didn't want to come home. As we pulled into the driveway i noticed that my dad was here... and my mom and him were talking. but i didn't see any of his things. I was trying to hide but then my mom noticed me in the car and came running to me. "im so glad that your back" then i cut her off. Mom, im not back, crystal wanted to visit yall so here i am, i am going back to nanas. The look in her face made me feel like i just killed someone but thats nothing compared to the way that she made me feel. i got out of the car and hugged my daddy the way that i always do. long and tight, then i walked into my room. when i walked inside it was like seeing my home in a diffrent way for the first time. It didn't even feel like my home anymore. Kinda like how you feel when you come home from like a two week vacation but this is diffrent, my things are gone and well the house is empty... My dad came in my room and sat me down. Baby girl please come home, do it for me. Im "coming back" so you should too. Just try. I could clearly see that my dad didn't forgive my mom and that the way he felt was gone but he started faking it for me and my brother so that we could be together as a family like when we were babies before we all got separated and our minds got messed up.  I cant say no to my dad so he told me to get in his truck and then we would be on our way to nana's. When i got there i walked into the room that i was staying in and all my stuff was already packed,  i guess she kicked me out because i went to go and spend the weekend with crystal. Oh well its not like i was gonna stay here for the rest of my life anyways, i miss my bed and i miss my dog, and i miss my family, well all but my mom. I stayed on the living room couch wathcing netflix for a couple of days while we were still on break but i felt myself getting kinda sick. I just kept on watching american horror story, skins, and glee until i was throwing my guts up, them my mom made me go to the doctors which i wasnt very happy about. If anything i was kinda upset because well one, she told me to go, two i hate doctors with a passion, every time that i go i always end up getting a shot, and i will pass out at the sight of a needle. just saying. At i wobbled into the doctor they told my mom that they couldent see me because my insurence had been cancled or something so here i was, dying (not reallly) and they wouldnt take me. My mom got angry at them and said f it we are gonna take her to the e.r since you idiots cant see that she has a fever of 104 and wont even help. what kind of savers are you? From midway to savannah its about a 40 or more minuit drive depeneding on traffic. and well i just i felt like crap, and i kept on having to hang out of the door and vomit and everyone was staring at me so i just started shooting them birds, what yall havent ever seen a sick person before. when we got in the hostpital my mom was explaining my pains. all that i told her anyways without really wanting to talk to her from being anoyed and in pain and they made me strip and go in some machines. Lets just put it this way they ended up making me stay there for a night or two which sucked because i have nightmares about what goes down in hostpitals. And plus, i hate being alone anyway as it is so say me i am just not very happy about any of this. My best friend nevaeh texted me alot unless i was sleeping or something. she was such a good friend trough everything.  On the day that i came home from the hostpital she was in my bed room waiting for me, everything was on her, she looked at me while the tears started running down her face, she just hugged me. Are you okay? She just stared at me crying and holding my hand, i hugged her deeply into my chest and then she quit crying. I kept her hand in mine and we walked outside to the pool, and i aksed if she wanted to swim, she told me no, then i started walking to the old shed that me and all of my close friends would go in to talk, away from adults, and just away from the world. She looked at me and noticed my facial expressions or something like that and she asked me what was wrong. I looked at her and said " im leaving" her immideatly responded " like a vacation" i took my sights away from her eyes and onto the floor and she just said how long... The lump in my throat that i have come to know so well grew as big as my fist, and i said slowly with one single tear trailing down my face "forever" I began to explain myself. "My mom and my dad just arent working. You knew that, my dad left my mom for good this  time and she is already talking to someone else, and he wants me and her to move in" My gaze met hers, and she told me to call her mom and ask if i could come over, so that is exactly what i did. That night we walked around and broke alot of rules, and just did anything that we could to make some memories that we would tell, other than all of our inside jokes that no one else would understand. We went fishing, and walked in the woods, and we had a shaving cream fight, and we even went into her dads gerage and sang hannah montannah to eachother, that includes 7 things, true friend, nobodys perfect, and many many more. We even tried to rap. Nothing that me and her did made sence but honestly with me and her nothing had too. Everything was always okay when i was with her. She understood what i was going to say without me talking, and i never had to explain myslef when i would do something. She would just laugh, she made me happy and knowing that i am moving, i knew that i would loose my happiness. That weekend was forward. Me, Shayla, and Grace headed out to forward at the gwinnet arena and we had a good time, Jentazen Franklin spoke about doing new things, and i felt as if he could be talking to me. Every year that i have went he has always related to my life, the year before, when he talked about self harm and told everyone to stand up, i realized that i wasnt alone, and i loved that about him, he makes you feel like everyone is in this with you. After the best weekend of my life, before the reality hit me, i found myself at my grandma's. I stayed with her, saw my cousins, and all and then it was just me. I was bored and none of my friends were talking to me, so i went on kik and i found some people. I talked to them about what was going on, because i like to vent to strangers. After seeing my step dad a few more times, i felt like i really was not going to like living with him, so that i didnt do. I called my dad and asked if i could come over, that i missed him and my brother, and a night turnded into a week, and then that just kinda escolated to forever. I dont think i will ever forget my moms expressions when i told her that i didnt want to live with her anymore. I felt like i had just stabbed her and she was gone forever. I didn't visit her for a while, until things at home started getting bad. Let me back it up a little bit. I have a step sister, two step brothers, and a step mom living with me. It was hard ajusting to the other femals. At first everything was fine, i did my sisters hair and makeup and my step mom took me out to do things and then school started. I didnt know anyone, but she did. Immediatly at the first sight, she beguan to tallk about me to people that i didnt know and they didnt know me, but they heard of me from her. She told everyone not to be my freind, that i am weird, and etc. so no body was. After about 2 weeks into school with silence i finnally started band class my favorite part of the day. The girl that i sat next too talked to me. She was one of the girls who lauren had come over , over the summer, and she acctually talked to me. Her name was jaelyn, a pretty name. She had my style, converse and vans with jeans and a hoodie, and she was in band and played the same instrument at me. I knew that that would be a good sign. From that week on me and her began to talk more and more and when i was alone or feeling sad she was there for me. She reminds me a lot of nevaeh. Like a lot. She is kinda short, has big feet, long hair, and she gets me. At this point in time i am really home sick, and i miss all of my friends, and we all kinda lost contact. My step mom, took my phone away and my xbox in october which was my only connection to midway, without any of my frineds i just dont feel like myself. I wrote nevah and tyler both a letter but no one ever replied. it made me sad. I am trying to reach out to the people that i care about the most and they didnt even care enough to write to me back. what if me moving, made them move on. what if they were happy i was gone. those thoughts haunted me inside. halloween came and my mom and my new step dad got married. and i went to the wedding with my bestfrind jaelyn by my side, and my brother, and now my other new step family. later on that night i came come home and we all went trick- or - treating. i get alot of candie, but ended up just giving it away to the kids in my house. i was sad that night. seeing my mom getting married to a guy that i know that she dosent love. its honestly sad on his part. he provides money, a job, insurance, a place to live and etc. He also provides love for someone who dosen't and wont ever love her back.

seveeral months later: me and jaelyn were in my room, she was telling me about what someone did, which was as i say nasty. like really nasty. and i told on the girl. her mom did not even ground her, take her phone, make them break up, etc. but i did something that wasn't even bad and i am still grounded and its may..... happy 2016 to me. In a couple of days i am moving in with my mom for the first time in a year and a half. I am moving away from all of the drama. all of the fake people, all of the bullshit and lies, all of the everything that put's me down. All summer i get to see the people that i really wanted to see. i wanted to be with them since the day that i left them. I am going home. Midway Ga, were i come. Midway is my happy place, i may not live there anymore but it is going to be great to visit. last time i was there in november i criend my eyes out so hard. Home sickness is honestly a real thing. Seeing the same streets that i grew up on, and was on everyday. they look the same. like nothing has changed, and i love it. i dont want it to change. it is amazing. i love midway, i love the people in it. I miss my enemys and i miss my frineds. i mss everyone, i miss the smell of the marsh in my back yard, i miss waking up and walking into my mom and dads room getting kissed good morning. going into my brother ashton's room, and him yelling at me, and when i close the door saying i love you. i miss walking down the road to my buddy bryain, and my cousins. i miss them alot too. just amagine, not even remembering what someone looks like becuase you havent seen them in so long. i love them, and the rest of my family, i miss the old lady that lived down the road that i called nanny. I miss the sand between my toes, i miss everything. i am going to miss it when i leave again too. leaving is always the worst part. Leaving home is like running away from your family and friends becuase somehing went wrong in your life. thats exactly what my parents did. but while they did that, they ruined my life. I dont belong in griffin, or woodstock, midway is the only place that i can be myself. the only thing that would be bad in midway is the fact that my new best friend isnt there. My brother would still be happy in midway, so would i but my mom and dad would be misrible.