Benson and Stabler

A New Beginning

My head feels like it's going to split in two. That's the only thought that's going through my mind as I'm fumbling for my phone.

Elliot and I went out for drinks last night and we ended up back here looking for more tequila. When I finally  find my phone I realize that it's 5 am. I forgot to shut off my alarm.

I can hear Elliot groan in the living room.

I force myself out of bed and look for sweats to put on.

I walk out of my bedroom and into the kitchen to make a pot of coffee.

"More tequila might have been the worst idea we've ever had." Elliot says with a half smile.

I laugh. I can't say I disagree. I feel like I got hit by a truck.

We were both a mess yesterday and thought drinks would be a good way to blow off some steam.

Elliot's divorce was finalized yesterday. I don't know what aspect of that hit him so hard. He keeps saying he doesn't miss Kathy and I believe him, but it hit him, hard.

A few months ago Elliot and we're called out on a domestic disturbance. When we got the house we found a baby, a baby girl, Macie. She was beaten, starving and screaming. Her father was the one who beat her, but we had no proof it was him, all we could do was take the baby from him. We put her in a foster home. And I went to visit her, make sure she was okay. She didn't have anyone to do that for her. But he got her back.

I got a call at the station last night from a nurse at Bellevue. Macie was in the NICU with a brian bleed. She's in a permanent vegetative state. She's never going to wake up.

I went to see her. And all I can think is that this is my fault. I should've fought harder to keep her in foster care. She was happy there, her coaster parents loved her. She was healthy, well taken care of.

I saw this coming. Everyone saw this coming. It was only a matter of time before he hurt her again. I should've stopped him.

Every single case we've caught in the past couple months have been brutal, worse than usual. The one we caught last night was a rape. Her name is Charlotte Montgomery and she's a doctor at Mercy. A pediatric surgeon. The rapist broke her eye socket and her nose. She had cuts all over the body. She ended up needing more than eighty stitches. I held her hand the entire time. And all she did was sob. There's barely an inch of her body that isn't covered in bruises or cuts.

"Liv..." Elliot says, touching his hand to my arm, bringing me out of my daze.

"Yeah, sorry, what?" I ask, pouring myself a cup of coffee.

"You alright?" He asks.

"I gotta go get ready, you should too." I say as I walk away.

I didn't realize I was standing there that long. I had been standing like that for 25 minutes.

I take another 20 to do my hair and makeup. I'm pulling on pants as Elliot walks into my bedroom.

"Elliot, you could at least knock first, I barely got underwear on before you were in here." I say as I button up my pants.

"Yeah sorry, Liv, we gotta go, I thought you'd be dressed by now. " He says

He gives me this look I can't quite interpret, and then glances at my boobs just long enough for me to notice that he was looking, and then quickly walking away.