Benson and Stabler

An Adjustment

When I woke up this morning Elliot and I were tangled up in each other in the bed.

"I know your mama says she hopes you look like me, but I hope you have her beautiful eyes, and her dark silky hair. She's breathtaking, and I just know that your going to be as kind, and as passionate as she is. Those are some of the things I love most about your mama." He says whispers to my belly.

"El..." I say stretching, "That was really sweet."

"How much of that did you hear?" He asks, blushing.

"Just enough." I say turning around to kiss him.

"We gotta go Liv." He says, "I let you sleep as long as I could."

When I go into my closet to get clothes, I realize that all of my sweaters, and bigger blouses are dirty.

All that I have left to wear is a tight tank top and a blazer. So I throw it on quickly, only to realize that I can't button the blazer because of my belly.

I'm so frustrated with my clothes and my body that I start to cry.

Elliot hears me crying and comes in.

"Elliot, nothing fits, and I'm ginormous." I say, crying into his chest.

"Liv, you look great, you can't do this to yourself. I know it's hard but you can't do this to yourself. I know you, you'll get your body back, but you have to believe me, no one looks at you any differently. You're doing a beautiful thing." He says softly.

"El, I'm not kidding, everything is bigger. I knew my belly was gunna get bigger obviously. But my face is fatter, my fingers are bigger, and Elliot, my ass is huge." I say fighting back more tears.

"Olivia, I don't see you any differently." He says.

He takes my hand, pulling me into the bathroom.

"Elliot, please don't..." I say, crying.

He takes me by my hand into the bathroom, and tells me to look in the mirror.

"Elliot, this isn't helping." I say quietly.

"Olivia, just look at yourself." He says.

"Yes Elliot, I'm looking, it's not exactly making me feel better about myself." I say, frustrated.

"Olivia, I want you to try to see what I see." He says softly.

"Elliot, I see myself, I see my belly, I see my huge ass, and I see you looking at me like I'm insane." I say.

"Olivia, when I look at you, I see firstly, the woman I love. I see your belly, and I think about how much love we both have for our baby girls. This pregnancy is going to be hard in your body. It's going to put you through the wringer. It's gonna change your body in ways that drive you crazy." He says. "But in a few months when we have two beautiful girls in our arms it won't matter."

"Elliot this is more than hard, my body is being destroyed, and I hate it, I push my body hard to do the things I need it to do and that's what I'm used to, I'm not used to having to pay attention to what I'm doing, this isn't me, I used to get up in the morning and go for run, and I would chase perps on the street, and I would get in literal shoot outs, now I climb the stairs up to the precinct and I'm winded, this just isn't me." I say, more tears rolling down my cheeks.

"Liv, I know that's the kind of thing you live for, but in 4 months when we're holding our girls your not going to care even a little that you weren't chasing people and tackling them on sidewalks for a little while." He says.