The Tear In Our Hearts

Chapter 1

Sam

I shoot through the blinding snow, the blizzard becoming more unbearable by the second. The hard biting cold of the wind stings my face as I run head first, nearly falling several times due to the numbness that's taken over the nerves from my mid calves, down. The only sounds I hear (above the rush of blood in my ears), are the ripping of the wind and my labored breathing escaping from my chapped, frozen lips. I try to squint ahead searching for some source of light - a light that signals hope, or an eternal savior - but I can see nothing of the sort.

I've already firmly decided I wouldn't give up hope; Dean would hate me for that. Thinking of him now, I can already imagine his face scrunched up in disapproval and pinched with rage as I slump back inside, having been missing for hours (and on his watch, too). Surely Dean wouldn't hate me for too long, especially since we'll be cooped up together in the two room motel room for who knows how long.

In attempt to grasp some direction or landmarks, I lift my head more and force my eyes open, the snow flying at me like miniature bullets piercing my skin and sticking to any hair or clothing visible. I scream furiously as the snow wedges its way into my eyes, causing me to dip my head down and tuck the majority of it into the lip of my thin jacket. I knew I should have put a heavier coat on like Dean had ordered me to do, yet I escaped the motel room without one, thinking I would be just fine. Look at me now, though - can't even find my way back whatsoever.

Eventually I come to a shivering halt at the top of surely many rolling hills and fall to my weak knees. I can't take this anymore. I'm going to be forever lost in a whirlwind of this winter horrorland. For now there's just too many factors holding me back - the snow so deep I can barely stumble through it on my short legs, the coldness chilling every inch of me and turning me into a complete 'samsical' - everything.

With these in mind, a darker thought crosses the threshold - this may be my final stand against life and death; both things yanking on me back and forth like a rag doll. They both want me, but it seems like death might want me more. What a pitiful, depressing story I'll make when Dean and Dad come searching and find my frozen body here in this desolate spot. If there's any hidden irony I'll never find do to my departure in this story, it would be that the motel is just over this hill - or I simply will never be found.

As I listen to the snow screaming at itself around me, I slowly feel the darkness starting to close in on me, even though I certainly don't feel ready to leave. Of course, I want the pain to stop and the darkness to turn into peaceful light. But God damn not like this - especially since I feel like I still haven't accomplished anything. I'm not sure what it is, but there's this terrible nagging feeling deep inside of me that says "get up and keep moving". Maybe it's the darkness telling me it just doesn't want me right now.

I picture Dean rolling his eyes and calling me a dramatic.

"You always overthink everything, Sammy. Lighten up and get over it." is what I'm fairly certain he'd say at this point.

Opening my eyes again, I little by little begin to realize the snow is letting up and the wind isn't as brutal as before. Small pockets of relief are released from my mind in the form of a long awaited puff of breath, echoing into the snowy parade dancing around me, calming and soothing me as I attempt to lift myself up. My arms shake and I almost collapse again. Come on, I think to myself with focused determination, you can do this - show this bastard of a blizzard who's boss. Eventually I'm able to stand again, and resume dragging my feet in front of me through the icy mounds of white shit, step by step. The wind tries to push me back, but I persevere, determined nothing will stop me now. I can't see the sky or the sun's position, but either way, I have to make it back before dinner - Dean will kill me if I'm not there.