Second Chances (on hold)

chapter 2

I looked up at my family, my dad stood up, his face had a weary look to it. His blue eyes had bags under them, he raised a hand to his rough beard. 

"Lizzie there is something we need to discuss, please come sit."

I walked cautiously to the chair furthest from them, and slowly sat down, keeping my eyes on them. I waited for him to continue silently, he let out a big sigh when he realized I wouldn't talk.

"Listen kid we have been talking," He gestured to my brothers and my mom on the couch, "and well you've been so depressed that we called your grandma up, and you see being here reminds you so much of Alex that, well tomorrow your heading out to California. You'll be spending your summer there!"

He said trying to make it sound like it was a fun trip. He tried to make it sound like something I would love to do. I know that they were all thinking the same thing, that the didn't want me moping around anymore they just want to get rid of me.

Out to my grandmas for a whole summer? Are they for real? The words no was forming on my lips, but I saw everyone's expression. I hurt them so much just being here, I couldn't hurt them anymore. I closed my mouth, I nodded my head, my blue eyes  hallowed, they showed no emotion. I got up and shuffled my feet up the stairs to start the dreadful packing.

Packing was hard, every piece of clothes I put in a tear fell with it. By the time I got done I sat on my bed looking around my bright green room. My eyes landed on the photograph of me and Alex, he was six and I was 5. Our arms were on one and anthers shoulder, we were in my backyard:

"Miss me, Miss me. Now you have to kiss me!"

I squealed the fun child tune, at Alex, he was only six but dang he threw the football pretty good, somehow though I manage to dodge it.

"Well if you shay sho!" I laughed and stared at Alex, he looked so funny with his 2 front teeth missing, he couldn't even say S's anymore. He was wearing his Greenbay Packers t-shirt, it was his favorite he wore it everyday refusing to take it off, he had the look of determination on his face. 

"Tristan I was kidding!" I screamed as he chased me around the backyard. My cheeks were flushed pink from running. Alex finally caught up to me, he was much faster. I cringed away and held my tiny hands to my face.

"No, please don't kiss me!"

"Fine, I won't kish you, cause girlsh have cooties, but I promise one day when I'm a big kid, I'll marry ya'sh and will live in a big giant houshe," He spread his little chubby arms as big as they would go, "Caushe lizzie, I love you, alwaysh and forever!" He smiled at me with his funny toothless grin.

I smiled at that memory. Alex and I have grown up together, my dad was friends with his dad since high school. No one was surprised when we started dating, him a football star and me the head cheerleader. I picked up the picture and carefully set it on top of my stack of clothes. I silently begin humming "You'll Always Be my Best Friend by Relient K" while zipping up my suit case. I didn't hear my door open,

"You know that song always reminded Alex of you."

Trey said cautiously and softly afraid his words might hurt me. I nodded, I remembered when he first heard it. We were driving in his truck music blasting the warm summer breeze hitting my face, we where heading to the lake. The song came on and he turned the radio up saying that this was me and him. After that he made me a CD and gave me it with a big long note. Sometimes he would sing that song randomly out loud.

I looked around my now almost bare room.

"Why don't you talk anymore? Before you use to be a chatter box and I prayed that you would shut up, but now I miss it."

Ya, those where the day when I actual cared about life and had feelings. I grabbed my ipod, ready to jam the headphones in my ears to tune out the rest of the world. Trey grabbed my hands,

"Mom and dad wanted me to tell you its time for dinner, please come eat with us, the last time before you leave to grandmas?" I shook my head,

'I'm no-" great the one time I do talk he interrupts me.

"your not hungry, you know you never are now." Trey said in annoyance.

"I guess I'll bring you up cereal later." He walked out and slammed the door, I sighed, it's just so hard to please everyone. I looked at the clock, it was only 7, I have to leave at 8:00 in the morning, meaning tonight's my last night to see Alex. I put on my old damaged converse, and slipped out the window.

 I went to the florist first, and bought Daisy's. Alex always gave me Daisy's, when we were little he would pick them off the ground and his chubby hands would hand them to me, saying that the two Daisy's represented us getting old and dying together.

I pulled up to the gate of the cemetery, it was hard seeing every grave out there knowing that someone else out there is going through the same pain as me. Cemetery's have always creeped me out and now it gave me the chills more then ever. I walked right over to Alex's tomb stone and knelt down on the grass beside it. The wind was blowing my hair around and I rested the Daisy's, so they where leaning against it. I traced my finger over his name, wishing he was here.

"Alex, I'm so scared. You've been here all my life, helping me when I needed you. Now that I need you the most your gone. I miss the way you use to call me Aust. Well I'm not doing cheerleading now, Kiara is mad. About Kiara I talked to her the first time today ever sense you left. It didn't go well, I don't think where friends anymore. It's hard though because you and her where pretty much the only one's I have." I broke down into sobs but continue talking, " It's so hard going to school everyday and your not there. Everyone points at me and whispers like I'm not there. It's hard walking pass your old friends and seeing you not there. I don't know how to make it through everyday. What hurts the most though, is I never got to say how much I love you, and how sorry I am. I never even got to say goodbye." 

I heard someone behind me and turned around. A kid who looked about my age was putting some flowers on a gravestone. He had blonde curly hair, tan skin and dark brown eyes that you can melt in. Embarrassed I quickly wiped my eyes and stood up to walk away. I walked with the dignity I had left when I heard him say,

"I'm sorry."

I looked up at him, he had tear running down his cheek, those eyes I got lost of them, they were filled with so much sadness, someone was feeling the same way as me. I walked to my car, and put my head in my hands I closed my eyes and remember Alex and everything about him. What am I going to do?