This is hard for me...so bare with me if this drags on.
So, I haven't been updating books and my profile is always offline...this is the first sign that something is wrong. If you didn't know, I have very few friends in the real world. The ones I do have either aren't around or have problems. My best friend in the world, who is like a sister to me, moved the day before Halloween. I have at least 4 friends who are suicidal...and the best guy in the world lives in another city...I have at least 2 depressed friends and all of this makes me depressed...I have an amazing follower base and that helps. The thing is...my friends...the suicidal ones...come to me with their thoughts. I tell them that if they end it I end it. It helps them, and it makes me happy. But, not happy enough to take me out of the darkness...I love my closest friend at my school to death and she's better now that she's dating someone...but...I...*sigh*...I'm starting to have those thoughts...instead of cutting I scratch my arm raw. I have supportive followers who I love as followers. And...I just don't know what to do...I haven't told anyone until now and I felt that my wattpadian community is better than my parents...my depression has gotten to the point where even simple arguments bug me...this is extremely hard for me and...I don't know what to do...I can't go to my school counsellor...she is my favourite of the school staff but I can't trust her with this...I know I'm going to get the "suicide isn't the option" and "don't end your life, it will get better" stuff...but my one friend has a belt ready...I know I shouldn't do it. I'm the girl how know what I shouldn't do...but I need support. Some one also think I'm stupid and makes blonde jokes...I'm leaving wattpad until April 16...idiots dayly will continue but that's it...clan...clan dismissed...
"The girl who smiles and laughs, cries herself to sleep. She puts on a face that says I'm ok, hurts when someone compliments her. You can't see her in pain because she's become so good at hiding it. You don't see her until she's gone. You didn't support her when she needed it and now her smile and laughter is gone. The girl who smiles and laughs, cries herself to sleep."
~Shadowflame5154
