How I Love You

How You Infuriate Me

Evan

It's hard writing about you so I wonder if this is the real deal. I'm not going to lie: I get a bit envious when you say she's hot as hell. I know we're not a thing but I'm already struggling with insecurities. That right there, what you unknowingly did, was give me a mold of a person I can involuntarily strive to be. I don't mean to; I do like everything about myself and it's looking like you do, too. But man, you talk about her and see her every day. I can't even see or talk to you but once a week. I wanna mean something, baby, so let me be yours. I promise I won't screw up like those girls did before. I'll treat you right and wonderfully. Hell, I'll do my motherfucking best. Because I think I know now what I feel is real; I'm just scared because I've never felt this way before. You say if you were to ever fall in love with me, you'd love it. What kind of fucking bullshit is that? Baby, just tell me it's over and fucking done and I'll move on like the young woman I've grown to become. But I won't lie, it'll hurt like hell but hey, I know I'm tougher than I seem to be. You know me so damn well cause you say I'm different and you look at me like I'm this mesmerizing thing but when you're around other people, and sometimes me, you act like I'm just some thing you can leave. I listen to you go on and on about how much you loved her and that the pain of the separation hurts you more than you let on. I listen and listen, knowing I've seen this somewhere before: an awful cycle with a close friend, who lost herself cause she thought she could change him. I told her, "Get out, sunshine. He's going to destroy your light." Now I'm falling on my face knowing there's no one to tell me it's alright. I'm all alone in this goddamn world and you're telling me you'll never leave. But you've sadly disappointed me before so there's no telling what's true and what's not. I do hope to God you stick around though because I haven't told you yet but I love you with all my goddamn might.