The Song writer's Journal

i wish

I hate that i gave him my life but thr only thing that will end my pain and suffering is suicide. So im gonna jump off the ruff and into the river. Then my pain my suffering will be gone done to a end. I jumped off the ruff then i heard a scream NO!!!!!!!!. Then i felt the cold water a blacked out i guess i died. I finally ended all my pain. But then i had a dream or something and it not a human or creepy pasta but a black figure. With red eyes and black cape told me. He told me to get up then said they miss you. Who was he talking about. Then he touched my forehead and i woke up. DAM IT i screamed and people ran to me while i was lying in a open casket. But him the boy who stole my heart wear was he. I got up and said where is bloody painter no one replied. So i got mad and screamed where is bloody painter. Then jeff grabed my arm and lead me into the woods to a stump. Carved in it was a suicide letter. He saw me jump. He was the voice that said no. He loved me. Even through he had feelings for jane he still loved me. He was to shy. To shy to say it to my face. Or tell anyone else. He felt the pain worse than i did. He saw me die and blamed it on me. U was loved but i was to blind to see it. I was stupid and wanted to see live like in the movies. I can't belive its all... It all my fault. Im the stupid bitch who killed him. Not jane or jeff or eny creepy pasta not his family but it was me. How could i be so selfish. Why dose the world have to be so cruel. I might as well go to hell for all i have done in my life time. My stupid choices. My stupid looks. My stupid self. What will i do without the one i love. The one who keeps me up when i am down. The one who taught me how to be happy in bad situations. How can i live with myself knowing i killed my one and only lover in my life. Oh how