Loving You Taught Me

Wrote this as I was on my way to school this morning.

Loving you taught me a lot of things.

Loving you taught me to give myself away.
My time, energy and resources.
Remember that time when we always went to your place after class?
We'd enjoy that long trip every single day as I gently embrace your arm and lightly rest my head on your shoulder.
'Twas really exhausting at one point, but a moment of holding your hand was worth it.
I never gained any friends in college because you were the only friend I had. My best friend.
The hands of my clock revolved around you. So what can't I do?

Loving you taught me to forgive without inhibitions.
Unconditional, forgive and forget sort of thing.
Remember that time when you kept on breaking up with me?
But you'd cry your way back into my heart and I'd let you in again. As if nothing happened.
It was difficult for me, but that's what love is - sacrificial.
No matter how many times you'd lie to me,
I know the truth that I'd believe in - I love you.
If that isn't real enough, then I don't know what is.
I just can't stand holding anything against you because I'd rather see what you can be than what you are right now or what other people say about you.

BUT
Despite everything I did, I knew there wasn't anything that I lacked because I was too much.
I thought of you too much, more than myself. More than my family and friends which I never even had.
I cared about you too much, more than myself.
More than my family and friends which I never spent my time with.
I loved you too much, more than myself.
More than my family and friends which I never gave my attention.

Loving you taught me to forgive myself.
I was insecure beyond measure,
Thinking that I was giving you life, but it turned out that I deprived you of it.
I sucked the life out of you, hoping that it'd be me, me, me.
So it seemed that I gave myself to you, but I just really gave myself for myself.
You were my universe. My security. My home.
Everything I did, I thought I did for you, but it was all for me.

I'm sorry.
I understand why you'd wanna leave. For good.
Remember when you said that I'd eventually get what you meant that moment you gave me those parting words?
Well, you're right.
I know now, and I thank you.
Loving you taught me to love myself.
That's the best thing that ever happened to me because when I lost you, I found Him.
Actually, He found me.