this is not mine but found it really funny and wanted to share it sorry i didn't proof read it
Warning: This article is "bad" reading it may result in hijacking, contracting HIV, or being shot in a minibus taxi.
The author in no way claims responsibility for your life.Please take a showeruse a condom, and don't pet the dog.
National fish Springbok
South Africa -- also known as Suid Afrika, Saaaf Effrika, The Darker part of the Netherlands or Fake Africa -- is a country located at the southern-most part of the butt-hole continent(somewhere in Mexico) of the world, more commonly known as Africa. It is the only place in the world where saying "G'day mate" is a criminal as well as a civil offence, and as such can lead to your arrest, or possibly even death.
Until 1994 South Africa was ruled by pyromaniac bigots (Afrikaners). They had no respect for human rights, but more egregiously, they had no fashion sense. They wore grey shoes and safari suits. For these and other crimes such as bad comb-overs, they were overthrown in 1994. In 1990, Nelson Mandela escaped from captivity and rose to Presidency in 1994. Unfortunately, remnants of The "Old" South Africa remain today. With the "Afrikaners" dispersing and forming the empire of Orania. They raise their young behind ten-foot electrified fences and packs of Dobermans on a staple of charred meat and stay true to their old misguided teachings. In the mean-time, Ryan Boytana aka Nelson Mandela, is on the verge of death, watching everything he worked so hard to build up - like biltong - slowly break apart. While other African countries suffer from endemic corruption, this is thankfully not the case in South Africa. The government, in its all-seeing wisdom, has avoided the fate of other banana republics and simply legalised graft and corruption. It has even given legalised theft and corruption a respectable-sounding name: Black Economic Empowerment or BEE. This is supposedly there to give all black people a leg up, except it benefits only the already obscenely rich. The three beneficiaries of BEE thus far - Japan Fornicatewale, Patrice Motsepe and Smuts Ngonyama - are all far richer than Bill Gates and John Paul Getty combined, in spite of having no obvious skills or inputs to make to the companies in which they are forced shareholders. But like anyone can admit, Dreadlocks and funny accents do make businesses run smoother!
Whereabouts of South Africa
The four provinces of South Africa before the revolution were:
• No mans lands except for the white man
• The Orange Juice for Free but only if you're White State
• Transylvaalia
• Post-Natal-Drip
• BophuphatunpronounceableothonameIhklahngosatswana
The Ten provinces of South Africa since the revolution are:
• The Western Cape and Walking Stick province
• The Northern Cape and Top Hat province
• The Eastern Cape and Dagger province
• The Far-Eastern Cape Province
• Kwanzaa-Zulu/post-natal-abortion
• Jobergarangatanga aka Gauteng Province (GP) also known as Gangsters Paradise
• Corwatadonga
• kakstaat
• Azania
• frenchfrystaat (we call them slap chips in saath efrika)
• Bapetikosweti
• Relistupeedswartminsweti
• Orania
