Okay, so if anything, Jack wasn't angry, or mad or anything like that, he was in agony. He walked down the forested park pathway, his clean converse scuffing in the dirt, the bottom of his black suit pants dragging in the dust.
He made it to the end of the path and diverted his course towards the huge oak tree in the centre of the grass. Looking at it made his chest ache and his eyes water. This was their place and now, it was nothing but a reminder. All because of her.
Thinking about her made Jack angry, then sad, then angry again. Everything was fine and the she comes around and takes away the only good thing in his life. She may have caused him pain, but he couldn't hate her. She was better, more secure, more sane, than Jack could ever be. Who would want to spend their life with a fuck up like him, anyway?
He sat down at the bottom of the monstorous trunk. Pulling his tie up over his head, he looked up through the branches and could see ghost legs dangling from childhood memories, hear laughter from many years ago, see two small boys scurrying up to hide from parents, from bullies, from the world.
He didn't know why, of all the places he could have gone, he came here. He could feel the tears, fat and wet, sliding down his cheeks. The pain in his stomach was intensifying, and it seemed as if a fist had enclosed around his heart, squeezing and squeezing until it exploded.
He thought of all the sleepless nights and all those days he spent swinging from those branches with Alex. Watching the bright green leaves turn to dark reds and browns as the fall changed them, and shrivel up and fall to the ground as the winter months claimed them. How on the lonliest of days, or the darkest of nights, Jack could count on Alex to meet him here, hold him close and tell him everything would be all right.
Alex was Jack's rock, his solid ground, his heart and his soul. He was his first kiss, first relationship, the first he had an intimate relationship with, and coincidentally, his first heartbreak. Jack was convinced they would grow old together, but right now, Alex was 8 blocks away, getting married.
The thought made him cry, so he pulled his knees up to his chest, wrapped his arms around them and cried into the crook of his elbow.
He knew he still loved Alex. Every cell of his body, every nook of his soul, still loved Alex. Alex was the one who carried him from the black hole he was living in and showed him what it was like to live, to love and to be loved.
He thought he could do it. He thought he could go to the wedding and pretend to be happy for him. He got out his suit, bought new shoes, and went to the church with his mom, only to turn on his heel and run when he saw Alex at the top of the aisle, Rian straightening his bow tie and flattening his hair, he turned and ran back out. His mother let him go. She knew.
So now he sat here, wondering how it got this way, how the man he loved was off marrying some other woman and he was sitting under a tree crying his eyes out. Man, his life sucked.
He could feel the eyes of parents and children eyeing him up. He couldn't blame them, it must have looked strange. A 25 year old man in a tux, sitting under a tree and crying.
Eventually he ran out of tears and lifted his face from his arms. He could feel how puffy his eyes were, and the cool air helped soothe them. The evening sun was casting an orange glow on the dirt road, making it glimmer. A dew was starting to form on the grass, almost glittering in the fading light.
Deciding it was time to go, he stood up, his bones crackling and groaning after the hours he spent sitting on the hard ground.
As he was about to walk away, he heard footfalls thundering down the path, running in his direction. Kids obviously. But then he heard, or thought he had heard, someone calling his name. He was afraid to turn around, afraid that he hadn't heard it.
Again, he heard someone shout his name, and he definitely wasn't imagining it.
He turned and saw Alex running towards him, tailcoat flapping out behind him and hair tousled from the breeze. As he neared, Jack saw that he had been crying, his eyes red and puffy, some of his fringe sticking to the sheen of sweat that covered his face.
Jack stood rooted to the spot, afraid that if he moved or even blinked, Alex would be gone again.
But it was Alex and the closer he got, Jack could feel pain run through his veins like acid.
Alex stopped short, toes of his polished shoes meeting with the white tip of Jack's converse. For a moment, neither of them spoke, taking in eachother like a swimmer takes in a breath of fresh air after a long time underwater.
"Jack," Alex said, reaching out his hand and cupping Jack's cheek. "I'm so, so sorry! I seen you come to the church and I couldn't Jack, I couldn't! I've been looking for you for two hours I should have known you were here but I couldn't bring myself to look and Jesus Christ Jack, here you are!"
Alex had a wan smile on his face, tears streaming from his eyes and a high blush in his cheeks. Jack thought he never looked so beautiful.
"Well, you found me," he mumbled, "what do you want exactly? Because I can't deal with another fight right now, knowing that you're, you know, married."
"I want you, Jack, I've always wanted you! I may not have known it for a while, but you were always the one I loved, and I don't think I could do it without you! Please, say you feel the same Jack! And even if you don't, I know I've made the right choice. It could never be anyone but you!"
"What are you talking about? What about Emma? Alex, you're married now, you can't just - "
Alex held up his left hand, and on the fourth finger there was - nothing.
Jack stared, and he stared and he stared.
"I know I've been an asshole, and I've caused you more pain than you deserve, but please Jack, please give me a chance to prove to you that I can be the man you need. Give me the chance to show you. It's you, Jack Barakat. From the moment I met you, 16 years ago, it was always going to be you."
"It's always been you too, Alex. Always. I'm sorry, too. I was such a dick I didn't even - "
"Shut up, Jack!"
They both smiled at eachother before Alex leaned forward and pressed his lips to Jack, savouring the sensation, the taste, he loved so much.
"I love you." Alex mumbled against Jack's lips.
"I love you, too!" Jack replied, before deepening the kiss.
