Blessed Are We

Titties 'N Beer

- Author's note -

Thank you for bringing attention to my first chapter, I was hoping I could continue this story with at least one reader. Hell, I would continue this story no matter how many or how little readers I get. And I'm really dedicating myself to this one - I'm doing researches on different churches in Arizona, especially baptist churches. I think I might have to search for motels as well. I'm thanking Google for everything.

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Serj Tankian has troubles pleasing the people in his life. At the age of 34, he has not yet kept a monogamous relationship for three solid months. Nor has he had more than five women at his place. Serj is a hopeless romantic, never could he take his girls out on a fancy resturant or one of the hottest night clubs in the center of Los Angeles. He would be delighted to take his girls out to McDonalds, as long as they ordered food off the dollar menu. Nobody should say that he puts too little effort into what he's doing. For him, to make the date even more special, he would order a chill bottle of Voss, from the mountain springs of Norway. "From the mountain springs of Norway." He purrs and fills a crystal wine glass with the water for the lady. No matter how much of a revolted look they give Serj after recieving the glass, he would smile in adoration, for he loved girls so much. His thoughts will wander off in the vision of the naked female anatomy. Just as soon as anybody mentions "boobies", he will be long gone stretching the widest smile to ever occur with a happy person. Because boobs, titties, breasts, jugs or you name it, are his specialty, his true form of happiness besides alcohol. A night out will give him the hours of conscience only, but boobs will make his week. "Boobs come for free," Quotes Serj after his moment of visualizing, later on humming in great disappointment, "unlikely to alcohol."

Ironic enough, the great alcoholic he is, can't afford a bottle of wine from the gas station. But he can afford, and he will afford a 50 cent slurpee with blue raspberry. Like a kid, he would stand happily next to his girlfriend and suck on his straw and absolutely love the view of his angry girlfriend. "But Serj, it's Chardonnay for $17 only!" She would whine. Serj couldn't react. He lost himself in the fury of his girl, oh, how he loved that girl. His behavior turned the young woman's vision white with anger, where she slapped the slurpee out of his hands and stomped out and left him behind in the isle, so he blankly eyed the girl down until she was not to be seen. When at the moment he realized he was falling deeply in love, he had to shatter it. His head hung low and his eyes stuck on the blue drink spilled over the already-stained tiles, he felt the need to break down. But Serj liked to bottle up his emotions, because he saw no point in creating an outrage in public. He waited until he arrived at home, greeted his parents, stumbled down the stairs and didn't begin to cry until he locked himself in his own bedroom. The issue with the relationships was the money, but the absolute joy was the sex. Serj knew how to make the girls reconsider the breakup, but even if he preformed the best he got, he would end up in a fetal position on the bed all alone anyway.

It wasn't until the age of 27 where he realized that he was no prince Charming, and since then he quit looking for relationships. He understood why he was a failure, his skeptic innervision ruined the good mood for everyone, and he hasn't kept a friendship with anyone from high school, nor any co-workers from his former occupations. One of the only strong bonds he has held for years is the bond between him and his mother. "You're hopeless!" His mother would say irritated when she heard about Serj's breakups. At least she wouldn't shame him for his taste in women. Serj knows what he truly likes. Perky, cosy, cute, glad girls who seem like the definite love at first sight. Not least, boobs. Serj loves any kind of boobs, it doesn't matter to him, because he loves them so fucking much.

However, the girls he wanted are behaving this way because, well, they're gold diggers. They're out after men spitting money in their faces and throwing jewelry after them. They have nothing against the appearance, though. Luckily, some girls fall for the irresistible face and height of his. "He has a beard?!" The girls would coo by the bar when they laid their eyes on him. Oh, those groupies would buy him any kind of drinks as long as the beard stuck to his face or a wrinkly dollar remained in his wallet, but he was waiting for love at 6th sight. But who was he to decline alcoholic beverage? He could dance with a babe, flirt a little maybe, but then ask, "does your mother know that you're out?" Yes, his skeptic innervision is quite the party pooper.

Phoenix, Arizona

Serj fell deeply asleep, more correctly, passed out in the backseat because of the outstanding heat. The sunshine was pissing sweat in his face, how he describes it, and he was plastered to the leather seats. Already hallucinating, he creates images for something shouted from the streets,"you should get off that organ, man! We've been in the studio all day just because of that god damn organ!" He suddenly woke up by the taxi driver slapping him awake. "Here's your stop, kid." He says sharply and pulls Serj out of his seat. "Where the fuck am I?" He groans and flinches at the sunbeam. "Phoenix!" The taxi driver shouts with his head hidden in the trunk as he digs up Serj's luggage. However, Serj was more concerned about the price of the journey, and he's praying that his parents paid for the trip in advance. "The ride is on the house." The driver mentions and lets down the luggage on the sidewalk. "Stay strong, buddy." He pats his heart and drives off. Serj is both suprised and upset over his parents having to share a family business with a middle-aged hobo who has a serious case of odor, so he asks himself if he upset them this much? Phoenix, huh? Did his parents want him that far away from them? Strangely enough he respects their decision. He wants to get this over with. His first option is to check in to a motel, somewhere close to the church. But there shouldn't be an issue sightseeing around Phoenix?

"Well, why won't you just go back and fuck that organ in the pipes?!" Someone shouts from the distance. "An electric organ doesn't have any fucking pipes, you fucker!" Serj recognized the organ topic from his dreams. To him it is a sign, or an answer to everything he's been asking on his way down. Besides, he assumes his first sign when he arrives is that he will play the electric organ at the baptist church, due to the organ and the piano being similiar. He's going to look for that damn organ.

But sightseeing is never fun if the city resembles your home. Serj was about to cry out in boredom, release a loud sigh at least as he looked around for a cheap motel nearby. He prefers that the motel must be near the baptist church, close enough that he can walk. He prefers that it's a peaceful motel to stay in, a nearly abandoned one would be the deluxe apartment in the sky. Maybe he'll hear what the baptists have to recommend, maybe they'll have a speech on how cheap motels are the work of Satan. In Serj's eyes, no matter if he gets boiled alive or his arms torn off, he'd still be happy to pay $15 a night.

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It will take me a while to update anything on here, but if I ever do update anything, it will probably be some corrections on some chapters only. At the moment I'm overwhelmed with art assignments (I'm designing t-shirts and I'm feeling really hyped about it!!!) So my "porn" ideas will be replaced with shirt designs. Anyway - I'll update when I can. Thank you for reading.

I'm spending more time researching organs than writing, my mistake. I'm also trying my best not to mess up 'orgel' and 'organ' although they may be the same, I'm not sure, but I assumed the Norwegian word for it would be the same in English, which is also 'orgel'. Please tell me the correct word for it in the comment section so I won't make any more mistakes, thank you!!

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