Runaway - The Force Awakens

Chapter XXVII

Nowhere was safe. Not even her mind was anymore, Kylo had made sure of that. He had been the only one she could trust her life with, but not anymore. The trust was gone, and she was on her own.

Escaping had crossed her mind. She remembered Poe's flight training all too well and it wouldn't be so hard stealing a TIE fighter. But then she remembered how the Resistance didn't trust her either, and she had absolutely no idea where they were. With nowhere to go, and no one to help her hide, running away from the First Order wasn't an option. They would find her, and kill her. She knew too much.

The only option she had left was emerge herself in the First Order. If she couldn't beat them, why not join them. The chip was still behind her ear, and while the Resistance may not trust her yet, perhaps she could convince them by giving them more and more information.

Nara found an abandoned room to sleep in. It reminded her of her old cell, and maybe that was what it was. The irony of it all made her laugh. No shackles were binding her hands, yet it here she was again, a prisoner of the First Order.

The night was cold, but it was the loneliness that bothered her the most. For so long she had shared his bed and felt his body pressed against hers. Nara missed his presence, and even though he had violated her privacy, she couldn't help but long for it. How had she ever managed to go without it all those years?

When the dawn came she had no idea if she had even slept at all, but it did not matter. She had only one thing she wanted to focus on today, and that was avoid Kylo. He had taken advantage of her trust and her love. He should to feel the pain she was feeling. He didn't deserve her back. Not yet.

After breakfast, which she had with the stormtroopers in the mesh hall (which was met with a lot of strange looks), Nara made sure to find Captain Phasma. She was still dressed in her casual clothing, but she didn't dare to go back to the living quarters to get something else.

Nara waited patiently until Phasma was done discussing with her commanding officers. Once again she was wearing her chrome armor. Whoever was underneath that helmet remained a mystery, but by now it had become hard to imagine her in something else than the shiny material.

She saw herself in the reflection of her backplate while she waited for her turn to speak. Finally Phasma spun on her heel, took a moment to take in the sight of Nara, and then nodded once as to indicate it was alright to speak up.

"I want to volunteer," Nara said, coming straight to the point. She had overheard the stormtroopers speaking of another recruiting mission during breakfast. Apparently they were heading to a different planet to pick up some more prospects. While the methods of the First Order went against everything she believed in, right now Nara wanted nothing more to get off this planet for just a while, and if she couldn't go by herself than going with Phasma was her only other option.

"You want to volunteer?" Phasma repeated slowly, her voice mechanic yet melodic at the same time.

Nara nodded. "Yes. I've done this before, I know I can do it again. Please, let me go."

The captain hesitated for a moment, but eventually she nodded.

"You proved yourself last time. I can only hope that you will not let yourself down this time."

"I won't," Nara said quickly. "I will not let you or the First Order down."

Phasma took a step forward as she nodded once slowly.

"Good. I expect you here in your armor in an hour. Do not be late."

Before she was able to speak the captain strode past her. Nara blinked and then quickened her pace to catch up again. Her outfit was a slight problem, and she could only hope that Phasma wouldn't mind her wearing something else.