The Swap

The Waiting Game

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The cold wind blew around me, thrashing my hair around in its ponytail and sending a chill through my body. I stared out into the empty park with my sweater and jeans as my only protection from the cold. I held my arms tightly over my chest and tried to retain my body heat.

It was December now and the park was empty. I didn't know why my feet had taken me here, but I couldn't deny that the atmosphere here was peaceful, despite the weather. I'd decided this morning, after I'd woken up from yet another dream of Jaxon, that I needed to take a walk and clear my mind. I'd left my phone at home to avoid any distractions and sitting here now, I felt completely at ease.

It'd been weeks now since I'd last seen Jaxon. I could lie and say that it was getting easier, but it wasn't. Every day that passed by was just another painful day without him. I didn't know when I'd grown to need him so badly, but I apparently had since I couldn't go more than an hour without thinking of him.

It was hard for me, but I just kept telling myself what everyone had been telling me. "You need to move on. Moping around won't change anything."

As if I didn't already know that. They made it sound so easy- just get over it, go out and live normally like you did before you met him. But, that was the problem: life sucked before I met him.

I was alone all of the time before I met him. I spent every night wishing for someone to come and take the loneliness from my empty life.

I didn't want to forget and move on. But I knew that I had to.

Jaxon had made it clear that he didn't want to be with me. I wouldn't pine after him forever, but I did need just a little more time to get over it. I didn't want to live without him, it would be hard but I knew that I could do it no matter how hard it might be.

I breathed in the fresh air one last time before standing up to leave. I walked back through the park, watching the leaves left over from autumn drift by in the wind. The clouds grew darker with each step I took and as I stared out in front of me, I noticed snow begin to flurry around me.

For the moment I felt completely content. I'd come to accept where Jaxon and I were now. I knew that the pain I felt from losing him would pass, and some day I would be happy again.

I welcomed that day with open arms. Right now, it didn't seem like that kind of happiness would ever be mine again, but I knew I would just need to be patient.

I sighed as I made it up the sidewalk to my house. My time away had been just what I needed to clear my thoughts. My family was amazing and they'd helped me tremendously, but with them always by my side it was almost impossible to make my own complete thought.

Inside, my house was warm, the fire place was alive with flame as mine and Melanie's family sat around it. They greeted me as I entered the living room, stripping off my jacket.

It was Christmas Eve and everyone was beyond excited considering the fact that this was our first Christmas together. I sat on the carpet in front of the fire next to Melanie. Our parents had taken the couch and love seat.

I held my hands up to the flames to warm them up.

"How was your walk, Brynn?" My mom asked.

I gave her a small smile. "It was nice. It's snowing outside."

A smile lit up her face. "Oh how beautiful, a white Christmas!"

"The turkey smells amazing, Camille." Sandra said to my mom. "When will it be ready?"

Mom looked at the clock on the wall before answering. "It should only be about another hour."

My dad rubbed his hands together. "Fantastic. How about we break out the artichoke dip to tide us over until then?"