Chapter 1
Why?
Why. Why does the earth spin? Why do people do bad things? Why isn't purple a natural hair color? Why do we judge each other? Why aren't we born as adults? Why aren't teleports invented? Why can't rainbows be black and white?
These are life's most commonly asked questions. . . Or I wish they were anyways. But, not to fear, I have all of the answers here at the tap of a finger.
(Please note I am not a scientist and have no idea what I'm saying, I just really enjoy poking touch screens.)
The earth spins because the earth is a giant top. You see, there once was an ogre pushing the earth in a giant circle; but then he fell in a black hole. And while he was falling, he accidentally kicked the earth, which is why it's now crooked. However, he was so strong that the earth is still spinning today. Not that we would be able to tell if it is still moving! Except for the fact that we would be dead.
People do bad things because that they feel like it. Why can't all things be good? Think about how boring that would be. There has to be bad for there to be good. Ponder that. You will find that it actually makes sense. I will try to explain it for you. So there'a a baby who really likes to drive bulldozers. When you take away his bulldozer, he's sad. But then he is so much happier when someone gives him back his bulldozer. If he just drives his bulldozer all the time, then he would get sick of it and never know how good it feels to finally get his bulldozer back. The lesson here is to give babies bulldozers for Christmas.
Purple isn't a natural hair color because this world is messed up.
We judge each other to make ourselves feel better. Or maybe we're jealous. Or they stole our sandwich. But please just try to cut it out. Please. I mean, at least keep it to yourself. It's not nice.
Unfortunately, we are born as babies. We pee ourselves. We have to go through puberty. And we can't just go right into college. But why? I think it would work if we started as eggs, like chickens; then after we hatch, we would instantly inflate to normal size. I don't see why we are not born as eggs, it would be so much cooler.
Teleports aren't invented because, even though it would fix our pollution problem, no one would walk or get any exercise. And scientists haven't figured out how to take apart people's bodies and then re-assemble them. But that's only a small part of why teleports are not technically real yet. The real problem is we would all get really out of shape. That's why scientists should invent a teleport thats makes your body think it ran three miles.
Rainbow's aren't black and white because we don't live in an uncolored coloring book. Sadly. As cool as it would be for some things to be black and white, our eyes don't work like that. It would be amazing though because it would be like we were all in The Wizard of Oz. Speaking of which, do you know what I never understood? What if Dorothy was colorblind? How would she follow the yellow brick road? What if there was a white road too and she got them mixed up? Then what?
