MY SILENT KILLER

CHAPTER 5: REASONS

It’s been four weeks since I last cut. It felt like a ton of bricks had been lifted from my shoulders. I was shocked to find how easy it was to stop. I don’t regret what I’ve done to myself, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger; they were right. I had hit rock bottom, but I used it as a foundation to rebuild myself.  

James and I were good friends now. No one can replace my friendship with Mackenzie; I know that it is virtually impossible to experience what we did in our childhood. But James wasn’t bad at all. To help regain my confidence we decided to visit the old age home religiously every Saturday, it felt great to put smiles on peoples’ faces again. Things were getting back on track.

Ever since my parents returned from Switzerland we have had a better relationship; I realised the only thing that blocked us from having a good relationship was my attitude. I had told them that I had been rejected by all their dream universities. I put my point across; I still wanted to do social work. They understood and supported my decision. I was thrilled.

Although I was enjoying my newfound freedom I could not afford to relax. My midyear exams were around the corner and I had loads to cover; two months worth of work. James was more determined than any nerd I’ve ever come across. He was adamant that we spend every Friday afternoon in the library, forcing me to cover unethical volumes of work in minutes. It was working though.

James was worrying me a little. For the past four weeks he has only been at school a handful of times; never completing an entire week. His face was slightly gaunt looking and his hair seemed thinner. I told him this but he shrugged it off, insisting he felt perfectly fine.  

With all senior years comes the prom. Admittedly, I was not planning to go, since I had lost all the social skills I possessed. But James really wanted to go and wanted me to go with him so I reluctantly agreed. My mother was delighted with the decision, no surprises there. We went into a boutique on a Sunday afternoon and found the perfect dress. It was crimson red, with a golden pattern around the waist. The shoes were gorgeous and gold, James loved it and I was finally looking forward to an event for once.

The night of the prom epitomised spring; it was a warm evening, filled with the scent of fresh jasmine. James and I were positioned in front of the fountain in the back yard. Both sets of our parents were there armed with cameras to take pictures that would stand the test of time. I was getting slightly irritated at the continued posing and stick-on-smiles but both our mothers had started tearing so I thought it wise to keep my feelings to myself.

The prom itself was nothing like I had anticipated; it went beyond anything I had conjured up in my head. The usually drab school hall was transformed into a Night in Vegas, with roulette tables and Blackjack Dealers. It was the best night ever. Although James and I couldn’t exactly dance together, we made the most of the evening. But, as with everything in life, all good things must come to an end, and after a night of fun and laughter we soon found ourselves cramming for exams.

Two weeks after prom, James was absent again. According to the teachers he was ill and they had no idea when he would return; it was two weeks away from mid-years. On the fourth day of his absence I decided to pay him a visit at home, something I’d never actually done before. I knew where he lived because he had told me two days after we’d met, I had honestly thought I’d never use that address but here I am now.

I walk up the ramp to the front oak door. The house appeared huge as it was only a single storey, to accommodate James. I rung the doorbell but there was no answer. I tried again. And again. There seemed to be no one at home. I found this strange because James was ill. I looked at the window. A section of the blinds had not been closed properly, so I decided to take a peek. I peered inside a lavish looking lounge with ivory couches and beech coloured flooring. The curtains were a deep crimson to contrast the lighter coloured furniture. Even with all the furniture in the room, it was still incredibly spacious.