My Secret[Scrubs fanfiction]

Frozen

J.D Pov:

I feel like heart has just vanished with Elliot as she ran off with her boyfriend Sean, we finally had an amazing night together and ten seconds after she runs off back to him. I hate her for doing this to me. 

I drifted through the days work, not even remembering how I got here, did I drive or walk? I honestly don't know. The weirdest thing is that I haven't fantasied all day, I always do no matter how sad I am. I guess thats what unrequited love does, it takes everything from you, even yourself.  Something broke me from my daze, it was Elliot walking up to me holding hands with Sean, god I hated him. Elliot excitedly screamed in a high pitch voice "Me and Sean are moving in together! How great is that?"  All my broken heart could let me do was give a half sincere smile and walk down the hallway unaware of where I was walking to. I could faintly here Elliot's voice calling my name but I don't look back. 

I spent the rest of my shift thinking about Sean and Elliot and how if maybe I had taken a shot, it could be me who is living with her. If only I had the courage to tell her how I feel but what if she says no, I can't handle that and having her as a friend if better then nothing, right? My shift ended five minutes ago but the last place I want to go is home, I hear someone yelling at me it takes a few minutes before I realize it is the chief of medicine Dr Kelso. I don't pay attention to the words out of his mouth as I know there about the fact that i'm still working even though my shift ended. I mumble back to the evil angry man "I'm covering someones shift." Kelso doesn't buy it and he yells "Who's shift are you coving Dr Dorian?" I don't care if I get in trouble I just can't go home "Who ever wants there shift covered." My voice sounds so gloomy, not at all like me. I hope my paintence don't hear it, they have enough to deal with. 

Dr Cox Pov:

Why is newbie still here? His shift ended three hours ago. He looks like hell, he should be home I mean  he could screw up on a Patience because of how tired he is. He hasn't been the same newbie lately, not as many daydreams the laughter in his eyes has gone. I'm going to ask him why he's still here, that is if he stops moving around the hospital.

"Hey Sally, tell me this. Why is it that your still here when your shift ended three hours ago?" I call out to him in between the patiences he's seeing  in a loop. He turns around and I see his pale face with dark circles underneath his eyes he replies his voice monotone."I'm covering someones shift." My god it's like someone died. I nod my head looking at him knowing something is seriously wrong but also knowing he won't talk about it if its bothering him this much. "yeah, well. Your not any more. Go home, you look like hell." I expected him to just shrug and say okay and be on his merry way but as I said before this isn't the same newbie. 

He yells at me "No! I'm not going home! I want to work so i'm going to work, I don't care if I look like hell! We all know that i'm not going be any better at home!" He begins to storm off and I grab his collar and turn him to face my again, "What do you mean not going to be any better at home?" J.D stared me in fear, fear of what exactly? me? he stammered "n-nothing, I have to go check someone." he then ran off not glancing back. 

J.D's Pov:

I run to the bathroom after that run in with Dr Cox, I don't look like hell I mean he's just messing with me like always, I'm still the same I'm just a little depressed cause Elliot is moving in with her boyfriend and I'm left alone...again. 

I look at myself in the bathroom mirror and I see what Dr Cox is talking about. I don't look like hell, I'm worse then hell, I'm a zombie. I'm a zombie and it's not just my physical appearance, its also how I've been acting. Going through the motions but not actually here, I'm surprised I haven't screw up on a patient yet, maybe Dr Cox is right and I should go home. 

Home... theres a word that has lost all meaning to me. You see Turk and Carla are getting married at the end of the week, there very busy dealing with last minute wedding issues, Turk is trying to write his vowels and Carla spends her free time asking me where i'm going to live after they get married. If anyone should move out its them, I found the apartment, Turk moved in with me, Carla was the last one in. She can't kick me out of my own home, but I know she will. 

I stare into my eyes and I see nothing, just emptiness, no laughter just nothing. Everyone wants me gone, Elliot rejected me after leading me on, Turk and Carla want me to move out and everyone knows Dr Cox doesn't give a rats ass about me. I scream and punch the mirror to get rid of my reflection, my hand is now pouring with blood, I cry out, not in physical pain but the fact that everyone I love, everyone I help out with every problem doesn't need or want me around. I fall to the ground crying and I feel someone running over to me. I look up and it's Dr Cox. 

He wraps my in toilet paper to try and stop the bleeding, I just sit there at cry. I wish i could stop as I know he hates to see emotional people, hell he hates emotions in general. He gets me off the flour and make me walk out of the bathroom and towards an empty room. he sits me on the bed, I finally stop sobbing, I just have a few tears running down my cheek from the pain in my hand. 

I feel dizzy, most likely from the blood loss, I can faintly hear someone yelling at another, it sounds like Dr Cox is yelling at someone to not let anyone in my room except for him. I must be mishearing, theres no way that is true. I hear the man walk into the room and says in a calm voice "How are you feeling there J.D?" It can't be Dr Cox talking to me even though it sounds like him, he doesn't call me by my name just girls name and newbie. The man asks me again "J.D how are you feeling? You look pale." I rest my head on the wall and replay "dizzy, my hand hurts.... a lot." the man has a small chuckle with very little humor "Yeah well, thats what happens when you punch a mirror. Your suffering from a large amount of blood loss, so i'm gonna go ahead and stitch you up and see how you after that, kay?" I lift my head up from the wall and say "How did you know I punched a mirror?" The man replies" because I followed you into the bathroom, I saw you standing there in front of the mirror deep in you thoughts, I was calling  to get you to snap out of it however you were just to far gone. I could see you were losing it in you eyes, then you let out a surprisingly manly scream before punching the mirror and started sobbing." 

Oh my god. I can't believe someone saw me do that, I thought they came in after I screamed and hit the mirror not standing there the whole time. How come I didn't see them standing there? "Please tell me Dr Cox doesn't know." The man stops stitching my hand and looks at me and says in a concerned voice "What did you just say? I am Dr Cox. You didn't happen to hit your head before I got in there did ya?" What!? Dr Cox saw everything, he is the one thats helping me... Dr Cox continues to stare at me with wide eyes I stamper "I thought it was you cause you sound like... well you. But you were very nice and concerned you didn't hell at me for breaking a mirror." Dr Cox stops staring at me and continues fixing up my hand. He takes a deep breath, and speaks again a little more quietly "Look, I don't know what is going on in your pathetic little life of yours but when something effects you so much you don't want to go home or you punch a mirror. You need to spill it before you lash out your emotions in a destructive way. I'm done here so i'm going to send you home after you have a glass of orange juice, page me if you still feel dizzy or feel worse,kay?" 

I stood up knowing I should be thanking him and being grateful he is being understanding and nice to me. However he said one thing that pissed me off. "Are you seriously telling me how I should let out my emotions, Dr borderline alcoholic? Look I really appreciate what you've done for me tonight but I'm fine. Just had a weak moment and I don't need your help." With that I left the room terrified of the response Dr Cox would give me. I walk home to give myself time to think and get my emotions in check before I face Turk and Carla but if i'm lucky they would already be in bed.