My Secret[Scrubs fanfiction]

Aftermath

J.D Pov continue:

I was staring at Carla and Dr Cox for several minuets but being very careful not to look them in the eyes. I was still trying to comprehend what I said truly meant, I was scared to know what was going through there minds, specially Carla's. 

Carla was the first one to break the unbearable silence "What do you mean,Bambi? Why not?" I swolled unsure of what to say but my mouth starting talking before I gave it permission to do so "Well, Elliot used and rejected me, you want me out of my own apartment, Turk doesn't say anything when you tell me I should move so i'm guess he wants me gone also. So to sum up, nobody wants anything to do with me. Nobody wants  to be with me, to live with me and it's starting to feel like all of the love and favors I've done for all of you have just been through back in my face! I would rather end my own life then have any one of you hurt me again!" I was in tears by the end of it, why didn't I listen to me? Think before speak we have been over this a thousand times brain.  I couldn't bring myself to look at Carla's face or Dr Cox's for that matter.

I stared at the ground while I could hear Carla whimpering. Dr Cox sat down next to me and said "J.D, I think you should take some time off work and I'm going to give you a name of a really good therapist that will help you out a lot. Believe it or not we all care about you." I was surprised that Dr Cox called me by my real name and not newbie or by a girls name, I was honestly expecting him to say man up and call me a girls name. I stutter surprised that he's being nice to me "Uh.. um.. t-t-thanks Dr Cox but ah, I don't... I don't  want to take time off or see a shrink. This is a ah r-r-rough patch, i'll be f-fine." Dr Cox sighed and replayed his voice very serious and a little bit mad "I wasn't asking pumpkin. You are seeing a shrink and you are taking time off, is that clear to you?" Great, I can't work, this place is the one place I feel remotely needed or like a make a difference...  I'm not sharing my feeling anymore, I just nod my head and say "Thank you." 

Dr Cox Pov:

What a sucky day, two patients died on the same floor and newbie pretty much reveled he is suicidal. He was always a sensitive guy that cared too much, I was always worried that something would knock him on his ass and he wouldn't be able to get back up however nothing ever did. He shrugged off everything, everything that came his way he came out of the same smiley happy newbie. Until now that is.  I guess we did take him for granted as he's always so willing to help and so happy. Looking at it now, he almost seems fake. How he survives everything with a smile, I always thought he was a fighter, you know in a girly way. Hes fake. Who is the real newbie? It can't be the newbie who is one appletini away from vomiting rainbows and sunshine, it must be the newbie me and Carla saw in that room. Thinking about his face makes shivers run down my spine. The broken and abused newbie, the one whom gave every bit of himself to who he loves and got abused and used in doing so. 

I hope he gets help, I've been kissing every wrinkly ass in this hell hole to get newbie as much time off as possible, right now hes got three weeks personal leave, he needs more. If everyone saw him in that room, how broken he is, they would give him the rest of the year off, with pay. I begun to walk towards the nurses station to see how Carla was doing, after all she is the only one I can remotely stand. I arrived when she was talking to Gandhi and Barbie, most likely telling them about Newbie's situation. I couldn't bring myself to look at Barbie, any small amount of respect I had for is long gone, not that there was much there to begin with.  I brush right past them, pretending not to notice them and they don't notice me. In doing so I remembered something Newbie said to me;

"Call me Dr Dorian, it's a little more professional and also every time you call me a girls name I die a little inside."

I always assumed he was being over dramatic and a girl, like always. Why didn't I take that to heart? I'm a doctor, a damn good one too, I should of seen the truth that leaked through his words.