Let Me Be Your Anti-Depressant

I'm Pathetic

I walked into my art class in 7th period and made my way to my seat. I ignored everyone I passed as I listened to Is It Somewhere by Halsey. It's one of my favorite songs.

I tapped along to the beat as I pulled out my sketchbook and continued the drawing I didn't get to finish last period. It was a picture of a lily.

As I shaded in the last remaining parts of it, I heard a muffled voice. Looking up, I saw the whole class, including Jenny, staring at me. I looked at our teacher, Mrs. Snider, and saw her motioning for my headphones to be taken out. I blushed and pulled my headphones down to where they were wrapped around my neck, then I turned off my music.

"Now that everyone is paying attention," Mrs. Snider said, side eyeing me with an amused smile, "Today is just a free day because I'm still grading all the semester projects. So you can work on missing work, be on your phone, play music, or talk. Any of those."

Mrs. Snider made her way back to her desk and sat down, continuing to work. Everyone immediately started talking, about dating drama and if people had seen Deadpool.

I fixed my headphones back on my head, turned my music back on, and started on a new drawing. I looked up and saw Jenny talking to her friends Hannah and Mollie. There was this little rumor that Hannah and Jenny were dating but I don't really know. I hope they aren't. That would be a real downer.

But, I would understand it if she dated Hannah. Hannah is beautiful and when I say beautiful I mean drop dead gorgeous. And she acts really flirty towards Jenny a lot so I wouldn't be surprised if I see them together in the hall soon.

I sighed and looked down at my paper, not really able to get any inspiration. I could hear Jenny's laugh through my music. I looked up again to see what was so funny and got an idea.

I straightened my book and looked at Jenny again. Analyzing her, I started to sketch. I drew out something easy first, her legs. After I was done with that, I started on her torso and made my way up from there. The picture took about half the class period. I don't care. It was worth it. She's a great model.

With the last strand of hair, I looked up again, only to see Jenny staring at me. My eyes went wide and my hand reacted so fast that the pencil I was holding flew across the room. While my face became hot, I stood up, walked to my pencil, picked it up, and went with the walk of shame back to my seat.

Good job Ember. Good job. I sat in my seat and kept my head down. She saw me. She knows. So smooth.

I looked at my phone to see the time. We get out of here at 2:46 and it is... 2:26. Twenty minutes, really? Ugh. I tapped on my sketchbook to the beat of Lost Boy by Troye Sivan, bored out of my mind.

Over the next ten minutes, my sketchbook page is filled from top to bottom in little doodles of plants. That's all it was. As I flipped to another page, I felt a tap on my shoulder.

I looked up to see Jenny standing there, with a silver paper crane in her hands. I raised an eyebrow, as if asking, "Why are you talking to me? You just caught me staring at you."

Jenny sat in the seat beside me, smiling. She placed the crane by my sketchbook. I couldn't speak. I couldn't move. What was she doing? Say something, god dammit.

Reaching up, Jenny pulled my headphones down to my neck. I opened my mouth to try and say something, but nothing came to mind. Still looking me head on, her big brown eyes looked so desperate and so beautiful. As I continued to stare into her eyes, I saw her in the corner of my eye, reaching over to my sketchbook. I couldn't even object.

Her eyes lowered and she was flipping through my book. As I watched her as she watched all the pages go by. Old pictures, sad pictures, happy pictures, colorful pictures, and portraits. Then she stopped. What did she stop on?

I looked down and saw Jenny looking right at herself. My breath hitched in my throat. Oh no. Why didn't you stop her? Idiot!

Jenny's hands trailed down the drawing of herself, tracing with her finger over each and every curve. I can't take this silence.

"I- look Jenny, I'm sorry but I didn't know what to draw and you looked so beautiful and I just couldn't help myself. I'm sorry, I should have asked." I said, playing with my hands. As I waited for a response, I stared down at my lap, not wanting to see her face, for once.

"No! No, it's amazing Ember. You are so talented." Jenny said, grabbing my hand with hers. "Don't be sorry, I'm glad to have been your muse."

I looked up with a shocked look on my face. She's holding my hands, oh my god, she's holding my hands. Jenny's face looked down at me with this smile that just, made me feel all weird and tingly inside. Oh god. Feelings.

"Thank you." I said, nodding my head. I probably look like a massive idiot. God, what's wrong with me? At least try to be smooth.

Jenny smiled again and pointed at the silver crane.

"That's for you. I hope you like it." She said, before she took off, back to her seat. I watched her as she left, her hair swinging gracefully. I couldn't help but let my eyes go to her jeans and watch as she walked away. I'm pathetic.