XO Cassandra

2nd Letter

   Dear Nicky,

Alice in Wonderland and Peter Pan. That's what I want to talk about today. Do you remember when we would stay up to half past three in the morning watching every single version of both movies? We would even read the bedtime stories, and sometimes, when we were younger, we would play pretend. I was always Wendy Darling or Alice, and you were always Peter Pan or the Mad Hatter. I guess both roles seemed to fit us perfectly. You lost it, you went completely mad, and you stayed the boy that never grows up... because now you'll never have the chance to. I'm slowly losing my mind, hoping and wishing for the boy that never grows up to come back to me; I guess we're both losing out in this game of life, aren't we? So tell me, how's Wonderland? Get the joke? Well, it wasn't really a joke, I just really wanted to ask. I know that Wonderland and Neverland don't actually exist, it's just a nice thought sometimes.

I was watching Peter Pan last night, I couldn't seem to get my mind off of the boy that never grows up and it drove me completely mad, so I turned on the movie to calm me a little; it didn't help. I cried, Nicky I've never cried over Peter Pan, and last night I sobbed for hours and hours, the movie had ended and it had restarted and I was still curled in a ball on my couch crying. My parents had come in to check on me because I was being too 'noisy' and they had simply rolled their eyes and walked out of my room, shaking their heads as if they were disappointed in me. Nicky, I don't think they want me anymore. They never seem to care how I'm doing, or how my day went, they don't eat dinner with me, they don't ever spend time with me... I think they stopped caring when you left.

You were always their favorite, and you weren't even their child. I guess it makes sense though, you had always acted as the more stable friend, I guess that's why they favored you. When you were here it didn't bother me, I had you to help me cope. Now I'm slowly falling into this void and I can't pull myself out of it, I'm starting to think that I don't want to pull myself out of it. Maybe it could be my Wonderland. Yeah, I like that.

Anyways, I saw you again yesterday, it was nice to talk to you again, I miss our conversations. I know I probably sound crazy, and I know that I'm probably starting to show it, but I can't help it; I miss you. I haven't spoken to our friends in a while, it's not that they stopped caring (or they might have, I wouldn't know), it's just that I always seem to be in a world of my own. My grades are dropping, drastically dropping; I can't focus in class for longer than a few seconds before I'm dancing in my Wonderland again, playing with the Chesire Cat and messing with mice, oh I wish it were real. The more I think about it, though, I'm starting to feel like it actually is. Maybe I'm not going crazy; perhaps I'm just a little delusional.

I don't have much more to say right now, I really kind of want to go back to my Wonderland, I was having a tea party when I left, and I just had to talk to you as soon as I awoke from my daydreams. I miss you, and I love you, and if I'm going crazy then I'll say that I'm crazy for you.

XO Cassandra