21 letters to him

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        Dear Shawn,
I always loved the idea of being with you. I loved the thought of me being loved by some other then myself. I just felt as if you've never loved me back.  My mama always told me not to fall for someone who couldn't fall even harder then me. Of course I didn't listen. I fell any ways. I fell in love with the sound of your voice. I fell in love with the way your eyes would light up. I fell in love with what you showed me but not for want you wanted me to be. You wanted me to be the best person I could ever be. You wanted me to be able to know I could do anything. You wanted me to believe in myself. But you can't spell believe without " lie." I so badly wanted to make you proud. I wanted you to not feel guilty for my own feelings and thoughts. I wanted to be everything that I couldn't be before I met you.

Amaya G.

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I kept rereading the letter I wrote. He won't ever see it so what does it matter but something in side me felt as if he already knew I was writing secret little notes to him. I have all my feeling down on one paper, what could go wrong?
I heard the stairs creek as the weight shifted from step to step. I shuffled in my seat struggling to find a container to put my so called letter in. I found an old shoe box and quickly put it in.
" Amaya! Amaya! Amaya!" I hear
my younger sister, Ava yell while opening my door. " what? Did you get a new skill in gymnastics? " I asked as she responded to it by jumping on my lap. " I got my front handspring! " i giggled at the flashback of me when I first got mine. " that's amazing! " I hugged her and giggled more into her one torso. " let's go eat!! " she exclaimed and jumped off me and ran down stairs.
                    I chuckled as I pushed my self up off the chair. I jumped down the stairs, always sounding like a herd of elephants. " hey mom. " I said heading to the island in the kitchen. "Amaya! Remember tonight the your father invited shawn's family over for dinner. " I knew she would give me the talk about keeping my bedroom door open and stupid rules like when shawn is over but it's not like we are dating or anything.
" hello. Earth to Amaya. " mom says waving her hand in my face. " oh sorry. Um yeah they're coming over and bedroom door open. I got it. " I said grabbing an apple off of the island and running back up stairs. I still had my school
Clothes on from early so I didn't feel like changing. I kinda laid on my bed while scrolling through my Instagram feed.
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About a couple hours go by and the mendes family arrive. Usually it's no big deal when they come over because they live next door and they're family friends. But it's just something about this that doesn't feel right.
"yeah, she's up in her room, Shawn. Go up and say hi. " I hear my dad tell Shawn then not even a second after I hear the weight shift on the stairs and knew he was coming. I quickly looked in the mirror to see if I looked okay. Then I tried to sit on my bed and act normal but failed horribly. By this time he's knocking on my door. " come in " I say as I nervously wish Instagram would load faster.
                        He opens the door and All I can focus on is his smile. " the whole walk over here, I had to keep explaining to my parents that we weren't dating just best friends. " he chuckles and sits down on the stool for my vanity. Wait, did I just get friend zoned?
          " funny because me too. " I replied and looked around my room even though I tend to see it everyday. " what's wrong?" He says as he sits next to me on my bed. " oh nothing but we should probably go downstairs with the fam" I looked at him and then in about .5 seconds I say after that " I'll race you " we both stand right up and started sprinting down the stairs. Of course Shawn won by only a second.
                " do you always have to sound like an elephant when coming down the stairs? " My father says while hugging my mother. I think he just got home. I rolled my eyes and Shawn just chuckled. We decided to just sit at the table and talked before dinner was ready.
                After a while dinner was ready and we digged into the mashed potatoes and pot roast. It was silent when we were eating but right after we started joking and laughing again. I love the feeling of having a family and friends.
                A couple hours went by and soon the mendes had to leave. I got up and have Manuel a hug and then Karen. Karen whispered in my ear " I see the way he looks at you " as we pulled away I gave her a weird look and then she winked at me. I went over and hugged Shawn. It was a short hug but we both knew what it meant in a way.
After they left I got changed into pajamas and went to bed.

A/n so this is the first chapter. It actually took me while to write because I couldn't really think of what to say. But i hope you like it.

Instagram: notmymendes