Language of Love

Overthoughts

I sprint into AP Calculus, breath heaving, and I grab my usual spot by the wall.

"Oh, God, what have we done? He's gonna hate us, this is not good!"

Several minutes pass and class is dragging by as I check my phone every couple minutes, desperately hoping that Lex will have texted me saying... ANYTHING. Even something like, "What the hell was that?" or "Are you okay?" But, no. Nothing. And the worst part is I can't even text him to say something because I gave him my number. Not the other way around.

I'm so busy having a mental crisis that I don't hear Mr. Friedrich call on me, "Sal?" He tries again using my full name, "Salvatore?" It's obvious that my obliviousness is irritating him when he shouts my name, "Salvatore!"

"Huh? What? Sorry, I'm just having a hard time focusing right now..."

"Try to pay more attention. Does anybody know the answer to my question?"

I slump back in my chair--dejected since I hate the feeling of the teacher "yelling" at me--as somebody on the other side of the room shouts out the answer. I really try to start focusing, but anxiety keeps welling up and distracting me.

"He's gonna think you don't like him. He's going to think that you're some sort of weirdo that shouldn't be trusted or associated with. You just had to go and ruin it, didn't you?"

This time Mr. Friedrich only has to call on me once for me to hear him, "Sal, what's two plus two?"

"Seven..." I mumble without listening.

"Salvatore, look at me."

I look at him.

"Salvatore, I don't know what your problem is today, but you just told me that two plus two equals seven, which, obviously, it does not. I will not tell you again, please pay attention."

"Sorry, I- er..." My mind races to try and think of a valid reason why I'm so distracted today, "I just- uh, didn't sleep well last night. Kept waking up, y'know?"

He narrows his eyes and for a moment I don't think he's buying it. "Yes, well, I understand, I suppose. Please do try to pay attention."

"Yes, sir. I'm very sorry."

The class goes on and I do pay a bit better attention now, but I can hear a voice I definitely recognize as Lou behind me whispering to his friend, "I don't think he's actually tired, I think that he's fantasizing about the guy-"

Mr.Friedrich cuts off any further conversation, "No talking when I'm talking!"

I wish he hadn't done that because now I don't know how their conversation is going to end.

"They know! Somehow they know you're gay! This is bad, bad, bad!"

Nearly giving me a heart attack, my phone vibrates in my lap  and I see it's from a number not in my contacts, "Hey, it's Lex, I was just wondering why you sped off after first hour like Satan himself was after you? I'm not THAT scary, am I? Lol"

I think about what I'm going to say to him and realize that I have no real explanation for why I did run off like that so I just don't reply. I'm just going to end up facing him in ten minutes anyway, but this way I can think about what my actual reason is. Luckily, I haven't opened the message yet so he won't know I've seen it.

The class ends before I can think of an excuse--the best thing I can come up with is I saw someone coming who I don't like--so I sulk two classrooms over to AP Stat.

I'm the first one there, as usual--the class is only two classrooms away after all-- but Lex walks in not too long after.

He gives me an odd look and walks over. "Salvatore, what the heck?" He emphasizes the word "the" by pronouncing the E as long.