In Scotland (Tayvin)

In Scotland

I was cutting up vegetables for dinner while Adam cooked the rice. We had insisted on cooking dinner tonight and giving his sister, Sophie, and her husband a break.
We decided to take a trip to Scotland only a week before. I was in love with having time off because it allowed us to be spontaneous. I'd only met Adam's sister's family once before and it was months ago when I was on tour in Scotland. Though I didn't have much time to spend with them, I enjoyed talking to Sophie and bonding with her five year old daughter, Eva.
We arrived in Scotland yesterday, but our jet lag caused us to sleep away most of the day so we had just begun to visit with them.
As I slid the knife through the broccoli, I felt Adam wrap his arms around me.
"I'm so glad you suggested we come here," he kissed my neck. "I love seeing you bond with my family.
"Adam? Probably not a good idea to distract me while I'm holding a giant knife in my hand."
He laughed and I set down the knife and turned around.
"I'm glad we came, too," I smiled, pressing my lips to his.
A high pitched voice caused us to immediately break apart.
"Mommy, mommy," we overheard Eva whisper-screaming as her bare feet smacked against the wooden floor in the connecting living room. "Uncle Adam and Taylor were kissing... on the lips!"
Sophie chuckled and Adam and I looked at one another, half embarrassed and half amused.
"Were they now?" Sophie seemed to find this funny, even though we were corrupting her five year old daughter by basically making out in her kitchen.
My cheeks turned scarlet.
Sophie went on teasing us, knowing we were listening. "I thought they were just cooking dinner in there. Maybe we should go in there and make sure they stay on task."
"We can help them cook!" Eva darted into the kitchen. "Can I cook with you?"
"Sure, love," Adam motioned for her to come over to him. "You can help me make dessert because I don't want you to get hurt with the knife while helping Taylor... Although she probably shouldn't be playing with knives, either. Try not to nearly cut off your thumb again, babe."
I stuck out my tongue at him.
"What's for dessert?" Eva bounced up and down.
"Cookies," he grinned down at her.
"Yay yay yay yay yay," she engulfed him in a hug, wrapping her arms around his legs.
He laughed and rubbed her back and I thought about what a fantastic father he would make. Watching the two of them interact made me fall in love with Adam on an even deeper level. It was the same feeling I got when I saw Adam holding Leo Thames for the first time. It made me want to watch him hold our own baby.
He glanced over at me and seemed to be able to read my mind.
I smiled to myself and turned back to the broccoli.
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Eva watched intently as Adam scooped up the last bit of broccoli off of his plate.
"Okay, can we do karaoke now?" she asked, eagerly.
Adam and I had given her a karaoke machine when we arrived, after having talked to Sophie and finding out that Eva really wanted one.
"Umm," he couldn't say no to those big green eyes. "Sure."
"You too, Taylor," she turned to me and smiled.
"Okay. What song are we doing?"
"You and Uncle Adam are gonna do 'You Belong With Me,'" she looked pleased with herself for picking that song.
Adam and I laughed.
"You know that's Taylor's song?" Adam asked his niece.
"Of course," she looked at him as if he were crazy. "And it's my favorite song ever in the whole world."
"Really?" I smiled, touched.
She nodded enthusiastically.
"Thank you, Eva."
"You are very welcome," her high pitched five-year-old voice contrasted with her sophisticated language.
Adam acted out every lyric over dramatically, from being on the phone with his upset girlfriend to laughing on a park bench. We traded off lines easily and harmonized during the choruses. We got really into it, specifically during the bridge, when we stared into each other's eyes while singing into our plastic microphones.
"We need to perform together more often," I giggled after we finished the last line.
After Eva performed every single song on the Frozen soundtrack, Sophie announced that it was time for her to start getting ready for bed.
"I want Uncle Adam and Taylor to tuck me in," Eva whined.
"We can tuck her in if you want," I suggested to Sophie.
Sophie looked to me and then to her daughter. "Okay, if you're ready in 10 minutes, Uncle Adam and Taylor can tuck you in."
"Okay!" Eva shot up and darted up the stairs.
I leaned my head onto Adam's shoulder as we sat on the couch with Sophie.
"She's pretty cute," I told Sophie.
She smiled. "Yeah."
"Why don't we head up?" Adam suggested.
Eva was already waiting for us in bed, surrounded by at least 20 of her favorite stuffed animals and dolls.
"We've been waiting for you," she smiled at us, clutching into a stuffed duck.
I went to sit on the edge of the bed, but she insisted I lay parallel to her, letting Adam take the edge of the bed.
"Will you read this to me?" she handed me her book, Where the Wild Things Are.
"Of course," I took it from her. "I love this book."
"My Auntie Emily gave it to me," she told me. "Uncle Adam said I can call you Auntie Taylor someday."
"He did?" I turned to Adam, raising my eyebrows.
"Eva..." Adam gave her a look.
Eva tried to hold back a smile, "I wasn't supposed to tell you that."
I looked down at the book, trying to hide my own smile as I began reading.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adam's arms were wrapped around me, his body pulled up against my back. The room was dark, but we were still wide awake.
"I want kids," he blurted out, after a long period of silence.
I let the words hang in the air for a moment, feeling a sharp twinge in my stomach, before responding, "I..."
"I know," he kissed my hair. "You're scared."
I nodded, allowing a tear to fall. It tickled my nose before dropping onto the pillow.
I wanted kids. I wanted to hold a physical representation of Adam and my love. I wanted to teach our children what I'd learning about the world and watch Adam interact with them. But how could I force an innocent little baby into this life of constant scrutiny?
Adam noticed as I gulped down sobs and created a wet spot on the pillow.
"Babe," he tried to flip me to face him. "Taylor."
I turned around, looking downward so he couldn't see my face covered in tears in the dim light.
"Do you regret it?" he whispered.
I shook my head. No. I didn't regret chasing my dream. My words had been tattooed onto people's skin. When I needed something to be said, millions of people heard my voice. I got paid for doing what I'd been doing ten years ago as I tuned out in the back of math class. No. I didn't regret this.
"I can't," he paused. "I can't promise that it'll be easy to raise a kid in this crazy lifestyle we've chosen, but if anyone could do it, it would be us.
I turned my face to look up at him, forgetting about my tear-stained cheeks. His thumb immediately wiped away the tears.
"I want kids," my voice was weak from crying, but my words were strong. Bold. I wanted kids and no amount of media pressure could stop me.
"Let's make a baby," he spoke softly, but eagerly.
"Now?" I giggled, sniffling a bit. "In your sister's house?"
He laughed, kissing my lips gently. "Okay, maybe we could wait a few years... You know, get married and stuff... Practice a few times..."
"Practice?" I raised an eyebrow.
"We need lots of practice," he rolled over on top of me. "So that when the time comes, we're prepared..."
"Adam," I tried to speak firmly, but his hands were particularly distracting. "Not in your sister's house."
He sighed, pecking my lips. "Fine."
He rolled back off of me. I cuddled up to him and was beginning to drift off to sleep when he spoke again.
"I knew from the first date," he whispered.
"Hmm?"
"That you were the one. That we'd get married, have kids... I knew from the first date."
I smiled, not opening my eyes, drifting somewhere between a dream and the sound of his voice.