When you Got Her

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"You know What!? k..kaya ayaw ko na sayo?" it's my last shot, the tears that I kept on holding ay isa isa ng lumalabas.  And I hated the fact, that I can't see any concern in his eyes

I'd tried to breath normally, and think of the safest words to say. Ayaw ko na ang sasabihin ko ay ma mis-interpret na naman niya at mas lalong lumaki ang tong tampuhan namin.

"I..Its my fault...Im sorry"- was all I think the best to say.

I faced him and saw again the intense anger that still burning in his aura. I'm scared that he might end our relationship now, thinking that it might happen is a big disaster for me.

"Stop blubbering, it's annoying"- Again his voice is full of irration.

But Why? I can't understand him. Does he hate me now? Oh Yes he said a while ago but can't absorb it.

I did'nt know that our small arguments and misunderstanding may turn into this. I know it's my fault, binigyan ko ng ibang kahulugan ang mga text messege na nabasa ko sa phone niya.

I know it's wrong, But how its turn up so big?

"Why...?"- Was all I manage to say, Wala na kasing tigil ang mga luha ko sa pagdaloy sa aking pisnge.

My vision is blurry though I still feel him, I can feel him in front of me with a strong aura na ni minsan ay hindi ko inakala na meron siya. I hear him sigh and walk closer to me.

Hindi ko alam kung ano ang mararamdaman ko.

All I feel now is mix emotion. happiness for the thought that he might hug me and stay, but then I'm scared. Scared that this might be my last time to feel him, to saw him closer to me .And with that thought I feel birse for myself for not trusting him, for being so immature.

Funny, how I feel three emotion at the same time. Am I insane? Yes because I'am crazy In love with him. And I'm sure that I will be more crazier if he leave me alone now.

"I don't love you" four words, but means millions to me. What does he mean don't? . He don't love me anymore? What ?

Did he find someone better that can understand him? That can give him everything.. anything?

Hell! I can also do everything !!

"What do you mean don't? did you fall out love for me?" I want to hear his reason.

He look away from my gaze and bring out a heaved sigh "What I mean is I don't really loved you back then" 

My jaw drop, He continue and what he says broke my heart into pieces.. not into hundreds or thousands but million pieces.

"I didn't love you from the start.... Everything was just a game for me your just my alternative. Akala ko malinaw sayo ang lahat because I'm aware that you know me well like others knew, I'm a play boy. Using girls every time I get bored is my hobby." he said as a matter-of-fact, and again I burst out.

Di ko na kinaya! Akala ko nagbago na siya kasi ako ang pinakamatagal. Yes! I admit it alam kong laro lang to pinasok ko noon but then habang tumatagal I can feel that it's not a game anymore at ramdam din yon ng lahat kasi ako akong pinaka matagal six months. Six Months ang pinakamatagal at ako yon.

Now his telling me he didn't love me? Oh well if this is a kind of joke, I'm not buying it! Why does he need to do this to prove how much I love him ?

My tears are still cascading down into my cheeks. I'm fully aware na basa yong neck part ng shirt ko sa mga luhang talo pa ng falls kung makaagos.

I saw his friends they are walking towards us ako lang ang nakakita kasi nakatalikod siya. They're laughing at each other habang naglalakad papunta dito sa pwesto naming dalawa. I want towalk... no run.. run away from this nakakahiya na makita ako ng ibang tao na ganito! nagpakatanga sa kanya!