This House (l.s.)

3

"Silence is a source of great strength"- Lao Tzu

Everything isn't okay. He knows it's not. They're driving back from dropping the kids off at school, something they always do together when Harry has the time. It's too much of a hassle for one parent to deal with dropping off five kids, so they do it together when they can, and then drop off the baby at Louis' mum's house so they can get errands done alone for once.

It's quiet and the silence is tense. The only noise is the radio playing. Harry's hands are tightly gripping the wheel and Louis' hands are gripping his thighs. They used to touch, always; even in the car they'd hold hands. Louis can't recall the last time they even brushed arms.

Before He Cheats by Carrie Underwood comes on the radio and Louis looks at Harry from the corner of his eye. He leans forward and turns up the volume.

"Love this song," Louis says. "I would do the same exact thing if you cheated on me."

Harry tries to laugh like it's a joke, but it's so tense and uncomfortable. Louis knows why, but he doesn't comment on it, just starts singing loudly.

I dug my key into the side of his pretty little souped up four-wheel drive

Carved my name into his leather seats

I took a Louisville slugger to both headlights, slashed a hole in all four tires

Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats

Harry stays silent, his knuckles going white from how tightly he's gripping the steering wheel. "What, you don't like this song? It's one of my favorites," Louis says.

"Not really a fan," Harry shrugs.

"Wonder why," Louis mumbles.

"Let's just-Christ, change the station," Harry growls.

"You're getting pretty worked up over a silly song," Louis notes.

"Fucking hell, Louis. I just don't like the song, alright? Stop trying to pick fights all of the time!" Harry shouts, slamming the inside of his hand on the steering wheel and changes the station quickly. Louis watches him carefully, taking a deep breath.

"Take me home."

"We have things to do," Harry says.

"I'll do it by myself. I don't feel like putting up with a sixth child," Louis says. Harry huffs in annoyance, shaking his head.

"Fine, go alone. I don't care."

"I know you don't," Louis says quietly, looking out the window. It's silent for a few minutes, but their wedding song comes on the radio; of course it does. Harry is taken back to that day, how good Louis looked in his suspenders; how they danced together with everyone they loved around them but they barely knew they were there. They were so wrapped up in each other, they always were.

Drowning by the Backstreet Boys plays. Everyone laughed at the choice, but when they heard the lyrics, they kind of got it. When Louis and Harry were first dating back in uni, they both shared a love of boybands, no matter what kind of shit people talked about them. Harry liked *Nsync and Louis liked the Backstreet Boys, but this was a song they both agreed was beautiful. One night after they had sex and listened to their 'after sex' playlist, courtesy of Harry, the song started playing. Louis giggled into his chest when Harry started singing it in his ear. When it finished, Louis whispered 'when we get married, that's our song' and Harry kissed him.

Louis' eyes fill with tears, balling his hands into fists. He wishes they could go back to that, just for a little while, back to when they started. Maybe then he could change the outcome of their marriage, maybe do something differently so Harry wouldn't feel obligated to cheat. Maybe it was Louis' fault, maybe he drove him to cheat.

Harry sighs, reaching his hand over and squeezing Louis' thigh.

"I'm sorry I yelled," Harry says quietly. "I don't want you to go alone. I'll be good."

"Okay," Louis sniffs. And that's it.