The Dream Journals

Dream 2.0

November 5, 2014

I went to sleep 4 days before my 14th birthday. Once I closed my eyes, however, I was no longer almost 14.

It was my 4th birthday. I remember this because my cousin, the cousin 13 year old me had previously known to be dead, was telling me "Happy 4th Birthday!"

After telling me happy birthday, he game me my present. He got me a pink tricycle, and I proceeded to play with it for a good portion of the day while he helped me ride along.

Once I had finished riding my new pink bike for much longer than necessary, I blew out the four candles in my chocolate fudge cake, and we ate it.

After that, we were sat in my living room where he told me "Happy 4th Birthday!" one last time before I woke up.

November 6, 2014

I woke up 3 days before my 14th birthday. Normally I would be happy to wake up because that means it's another day closer to my birthday.

However, this time I wasn't happy to wake up. The cousin from my dream has been dead for just over a year, and he had never been in any of my dreams until then.

I remember thinking about the dream, and how real talking to my cousin felt. I remember how it felt to realize that I only saw him in my dream, that he wasn't actually still alive.

Once I got over the initial shock, I remembered what I had written in my journal the previous year on my 13th birthday, 15 days after my cousin's death.

That birthday was extremely hard to celebrate, and I was sat in my room staring blankly at my diary thinking of something to write in there as a remembrance of the day I became a teenager. There wasn't anything I could think of besides the fact that on that same day the previous year I got a text from my cousin telling me happy birthday, and this year or any year following it I wouldn't receive that text.

So that's what I wrote.

I wrote that I wish he could tell me happy birthday again. Or that he could tell me anything again. What surprised me about that was, as you can see in the dream above, that he actually told me happy birthday again.

It's now been 2 1/2 years since he's passed, and that is the only dream I've had of him since.

~~~

-k
march 5, 2016 // 11:02 p.m.