nightingale

Heavy breaths and empty smiles

She didn't know how to face the world when she already lost her world.

With the under of her eyes as hollow as her emptiness, she tried to conceal it all, hoping that no one could trace the veins of pain raging under her skin. Sure, she pulled her hair into a neat tie but she couldn't even pull herself together. She painted on an empty smile, as if it wasn't the first time she did. She's done it too many times for the cover to falter.

The first time she was about to step out the door, her walls betray her and tears fall. Her paint wears out, and her empty smile becomes a frown full of dread and sorrow. She lays back down, convincing herself that she does have to get out, just to see something new rather than the room that haunts her with each and every moment they danced together.

Every step toward the black door, she took heavy breaths. Her lungs felt like they were carrying every asteroid in the known universe, but she still did her best to pull open the door and step out. 

Sunshine lit up her skin that hid a darkness under. No rain, no raindrops to break down the barriers and let her tears fall. Although all she could think of was to be alone, something inside her was telling her to reach out to someone. Even out the door, she still took heavy breaths, and her smiles were as empty as ever. 

She met up with her best friend at a coffee shop, and her friend's first instinct was to hug her tight in front of the entrance. When she was in the sudden wrap of arms, all she could think of was to fall apart, but she knew better. Besides, she didn't want to ruin her perfect paint.

15 minutes before their ordered coffee arrived to their table --  just by the window with a perfect view of a serene park -- she asks her best friend how she's been. She knew that she didn't know what happened, so she decided she would tell her later. Their coffee was placed in front of them, and the waiter gives her a sweet smile. She finds a note under her mug, saying "Have a great day! :)"

 He's flirting with you. Her best friend says this excitedly. Too bad you're taken. 

At those words she stares into her reflection on her coffee. Suddenly all she sees are her red-stained eyes and cheeks streaked with regret. She thought she could escape his memory, but it followed her everywhere. All she could give her was a smile. 

Her best friend was so oblivious, but she knew she would tell her that day as well, probably.

She wasn't sure how many days she'd have to face with heavy breaths and painted smiles, or if those days would ever end at all.