nightingale

An Empty Feeling

No matter where she went, it was there. Grocery store, playground, her apartment, it was there.

The thing is, she was baffled by how heavy the emptiness in her felt. How can someone leaving take away so much of you and yet their words are still weighing in your chest from taking them to your heart?

She didn't know.
She doesn't know.

And now she has to fill in the gaps and cracks, all left by memories, all were once fixed and full of the moments they spent. But now she doesn't know what to fill it with.

She could eat food to distract herself from feeling empty, but in the end it would make herself feel worse.

And that was when she kept turning and remembered about the alcohol in the dining room. It would make her forget everything for a while, and maybe that's what she needed.

She makes an effort of walk for it, and when she reaches out to a bottle, she stops for a second.

He wouldn't have wanted this.

But he doesn't care anymore.

With shaking hands she took a gulp, hoping it would be enough to fill in the gaps for now, or at least forget about them.

It was warm on her throat, and at first she almost threw up, but she took in more and more and more until she was drunk on alcohol, as well as drunk on him. She felt liberated, she felt fragile. She was feeling everything and nothing in between.

She laughed and cried at the thought of him coming back, why would he right?

And in the morning that she was sober, the alcohol was gone. The drink may flow in her veins but it was him that made her heart beat.
The empty feeling, it's still there.