Inevitable

In the Dark

"You. You." My fingers trembled on the trigger. I aimed at my target, the eye, but my breathing grew rapidly faster when I did so. I had to. He killed my family. My father. My mother. Sam. He just stood there while my brother and mom were devoured. Then he chopped off her hand. How is that okay?

My arm shook as I got ready to pull the trigger. But then I saw him. Carl. He stood by his dad - the killer - with a panicked expression on his face. As soon as I saw him, I realized I couldn't do this. Not out in the open. I couldn't kill Rick while his own son watched me. I had to do it later when no one else was watching. When no one would know it was me.

I began to lower the gun, but as I did so, I felt a hard smash against the back of my head. I toppled forward and landed face first into the ground. It took me a second to realize I'd been hit on my head by Michonne who now stood above me. She glowered at me with a scowl. I didn't blame her. I did just try to kill Rick.

I was dazed. She'd hit me pretty hard, and I had no idea what to do next. I'd dropped the gun somewhere, but in the dark, I couldn't figure out where. I got to my feet quickly when I remembered we were currently surrounded by walkers. Surprisingly, they hadn't eaten me yet, but they were now aware of our presence. All the walkers around us turned, intent on devouring our flesh. I stumbled back, waiting for Michonne to begin slaying the monsters. But she didn't. I was defenseless. I had no weapons, so I was depending on the others to help. But for some reason, I didn't hear anyone killing these monsters.

I glanced at Michonne, Rick, and Carl to see why they were being so quiet. For a second, I was confused why Carl was just standing there looking at his dad. Then he fell. And I realized what had happened.

Rick scooped up Carl quickly and began to run with Michonne in front of them. I staggered after them, struggling to keep up. My ankle was pounding, and my head felt like it was about to explode. I'd twisted my ankle at some point but was too preoccupied in getting past the walkers that I didn't notice the pain surging through my leg now.

I don't know how we did it. Somehow, we'd made it to the infirmary. As we toppled inside, Rick set Carl down on a table. Denise set to work on fixing him.

I stared at Carl. His cheek was covered in blood. And his eye. Or his lack thereof. It looked plain old horrific. It wasn't the fact that he'd gotten his eye shot out that made me cringe; it was the fact that I'd shot it out. This was my fault. I'd been intent on murdering his father, but instead, I just as well murdered him.

"Rick!" I heard people shouting. I looked up to see the door closing and noticed the absence of a certain someone whose son was lying on the table.

I'd taken a seat on a chair in the corner of the room. I was too terrified to be near anyone right now. Seeing Carl this vulnerable made me wonder what could happen next. He might die. But as I watched Denise working to save him, I thought he could actually survive this.
I looked out the window to see what was happening outside. There were walkers everywhere, taking over everything. But in the middle of all of it, I saw something. Someone. Fighting against the walkers, tearing them down rapidly. Soon enough, more people joined him, and it was us. Not me, but Alexandria. We were doing it; we were fighting. And I wanted to be out there with them. With my people; the only family I had left. I wasn't terrified of the walkers; I was terrified of what I'd done. But what I'd done couldn't be changed. I was stuck with the guilt, but I could at least help my people.

I stood up and began to walk out the door. Reaching for the handle, I started to leave until someone grabbed my shoulder.

"I need you here." It was Denise. "I need you to watch him while I get the bandages."

Even though I needed to go outside, I knew Carl needed me more. I did this to him; it was my responsibility to look after him.

I stood next to the table, watching his chest move up and down with each breath. Denise went to the cabinet to search for the bandages.

He was so peaceful. Honestly, he always had been. It was only when I went after him that he got angry at me.

I thought about when we were outside earlier today. Mom didn't want Sam to come with us. He should've listened and gone with Gabriel. The look on his face when the walkers attacked... I couldn't get it out of my mind. He hadn't screamed until they got him and when he did... I hated thinking about it. We were so close to making it. Even surrounded by walkers, the time we'd split with Gabriel and Judith seemed so great. We'd had hope, or at least I did. But what stood out about that was when Carl held my hand. We'd just fought earlier, and I tried to kill him. Yet he gave me another chance. At least, that's what I thought it was. It was like he still wanted to be my friend.

Denise came back with the bandages. She started wrapping them around Carl's wound, covering where his eye should have been.

"Help me carry him to the bed," she instructed, lifting the upper half of his body into her arms. I grabbed his waist and legs, and we both carried him into the next room and onto the bed. We set him down carefully, making sure not to move his head too much. Taking a step back, I just then realized he didn't have his shirt on anymore. He must have had it taken off so they could treat him. But damn, he looked good without a shirt.

I jumped a little when Denise set her hand on my shoulder.

"Would you be alright looking after him for awhile? If someone else gets hurt, I have to be ready," she said.

I nodded, and she thanked me.

"If anything happens, just yell to me." She gave me a reassuring smile and then left the room.

I looked back to Carl. His chest moved up and down each time he took a breath. He was quite pale, almost like snow, and had tiny freckles all over his skin. He looked perfect... except for the hole I'd made in his face.

"I'm sorry." I sat down in the chair by his bedside, frowning. He was going to hate me. He probably already did. I attacked him. I was rude to him. I accused him of trying to steal my girlfriend. It wasn't his fault Enid didn't want to be with me anymore. And who knows? Maybe he doesn't even like her like that.

Oh, who am I kidding? Of course he likes her like that, and she likes him back. Honestly, I'm not sure I even liked Enid. Maybe the only reason I dated her was because she seemed like the last girl on Earth.

"Hey."

I looked to the doorway, and my heart froze for a second. Rick stood there with a sullen expression.

I bit my lip as I squeezed past him. I heard him close the door behind me. He didn't look too happy.

Glancing outside, I realized there was something missing. The walkers. They were all dead. Strewn across the streets and yards. I must have been by Carl's bedside longer than I'd thought.

Denise was cleaning up the table Carl had been on earlier. I walked over to her.

"Do you think he'll be alright?" I asked her.

Understanding who I was talking about, she replied, "Honestly, except for a missing eye, I think he'll be on his feet in no time."

"That's good."

"Ron?" she asked.

"Yeah?"

"What happened out there anyways?"

I paused. I didn't know what to say. If I told the truth, that I was going to kill Rick and accidently shot Carl instead, she'd think I was dangerous. A psychopath. They'd lock me away somewhere or feed me to the walkers.

But I had to. Rick, Carl, and Michonne already knew what happened, so there was no point keeping it a secret.

"I shot him."