You ruined my life with love

P.S. I love you

I love you. You know that right? I left…for you. How did I meet you? Was it when I was an innocent child running through the meadow, touching every flower there was. Spinning in circles while I hummed a tune my mother used to sing to me every night before my head hit the soft silky pillow.

Was it when I was a teen, walking through the doors of high school biting my lip still a fresh man, getting pushed and shoved by everyone around me. Crying in the toilets every day before eating my sandwich, which was crushed and rotten.

Or was it when i was an adult, stepping into dance school my ballet shoes clutched to my chest and my tatty trousers crossed while everyone stared snickering at me. Tears falling as I danced, ignoring the aw from my teachers.

No. It was all three of those times. I met you when I was an innocent child new to the world. I met you when I was growing up threw my life. But which one to tell.

Maybe I should tell all of them..

I ran. That’s all I did ran while I ignored mummy’s cries for help, daddies shouts of anger. I ignored the pounding pain and emptiness in the pit of my stomach thrashing around me. I had my dancing shoes on, the ones mummy had saved a fortune to buy me.

“Mummy, don’t.” I had said. “Daddy will be angry if I get new shoes.”

Mummy scoffed “I don’t care anymore honey. I just want you to be happy.” She mumbled picking up the shoes and going to the counter.

I tugged her hand hard “But I am Mummy!” I argued.

Mummy paused “No you aren’t.” she whispered before she dropped the shoes on the counter and paid for them right then almost chucking the money at the helpless women trying to check us out.

The shoes cost exactly $155.64. I remember those digits because it was the most expensive thing I had ever got in my child hood. My toys came from charity shops, my clothes too. The only thing that wasn’t bought from some cheapy shop was my jewellery. My father always dished jewellery on my mother and me. It was his way for saying, don’t tell anybody that I beat you up every day.

I used to love to wear my earrings to school showing them off at the jealous girls. But as time grew I also grew to hate the jewellery. I understood that it was a bribe, earrings felt hot on my ears, necklaces cold and heavy on my neck.

But that’s not important is it? You don’t want to hear about that. You want to hear about…him.

I ran to my special place. A meadow I had found when I was running from daddy the other day. I had always ran from daddy but now fate was on my side.

I collapsed breathing tired my noes covered by the smell of sweet daises, my fear hanging in the air.

“E-excuse me?” a voice asked me quietly.

I looked up my eyes meeting dark brown haunted ones. It was boy my own age with dark brown hair and was pale and skinny. He clutched a teddy bear which I envied even though it was slightly tatty and ripped.

“Uh…I sorry.” I mumbled. “I’m Crystal.” I said smiling softly and still slightly innocently.

The boy watched me frowning “Nice to meet you Crystal, I’m Ryan.” He said quietly.

I smiled brightly which made him smile slightly. Better, much better. “OK Ryan, I love your teddy. What’s his name?” I cooed.

Ryan smiled “Uh..MR Teddy.” He laughed and I laughed too.

“Can i-“ I swallowed nervously “Can I hold MR Teddy?”

Ryan bit his lip before he smiled “Sure Tal.” I blushed slightly at the nickname as he handed me Mr teddy.

“Thanks…Ry.” This time he blushed and shuffled.

I hugged Mr teddy and couldn’t help the tears that leaked out of my eyes and drowned in his soft fur.

“Tal, don’t cry.” He begged dropping down and hugging me tightly.

I wiped my eyes furiously but hugged him back unable to stop crying “R-r-r-r-r-Ry, D-d-d-d-daddy was mean to me and mummy and I had to run away.” I cried.

Ryan frowned as he held me.

“Well your daddy’s a meany, don’t worry Tal, I won’t let him hurt you.” He said eagerly and I sniffed.

“Promise?”

“Promise?”

That was a lie though, wasn’t it Ryan? He hurt me again but always kept hope that you would come and save me and my mummy.

When I met you I was given hope something starved of me for the rest of my life. I turned to you, held you, hugged you and you did the same back.

That was the first time I met you. But not the only time was it? I hope I’ll meet you again someday.

P.S. I love you.