You ruined my life with love

your a ghost to me

My life is nice now I guess. I sit on the porch watching my kids play and laugh with delight. They have no father you see. You left me remember.

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if you hadn’t left. Maybe then we could have been together, watched our kids grow…together.

But you disappeared again didn’t you? There’s no trace of you on the earth. Voices in my head tell me that you didn’t want to leave. Voices in my head tell me you did.

“Mummy!” My kids ran to me.

“Mummy I’m hungry.” Tala, the girl twin whined.

“Tal, stop whining.” Ryan glared at his sister.

Tala and Ryan. After me and you, you know. Just a little reminder.

I laughed “OK Go inside and set up a yummy picnic.” I smile brightly.

They both sequel with delight before running inside pushing and shoving each other.

I look out to the sky.

“I never left you know.” A voice said quietly.

I turned slowly breathing deeply ready to face your ghost. The past is something I never like to remember. I’ve faced many ghosts, my father, my mother.

There all memories of my past.

You’re young, and handsome. But now I don’t recognise your hair. I don’t recognise your eyes. But I do recognise the scars on your face. An image that haunts me day and night.

“Yes you do.” I say with a small huff of a dark laugh.

“There beautiful. The kids. They look like..” He stopped biting his lip.

“You.” I finish with a sigh.

“Yeah, I guess. Tal, I’m sorry.” Ryan whispered.

“Sorry? You always are remember? I’m tired of it.” I scoff.

“Tal, I really am this time! Look, I took time to think and…leaving you was the biggest mistake I had ever made.”

“Not the only one though.” I mumbled reaching out my hand to touch the three long scars but my hand seeped right through you.

“No. That was never a mistake. I know I did leave but I never forgot you. Ryan is still out there thinking about you.” Ryan said smiling.

I glared “Then I’ll send Crystal to tell him what a jerk he is. Kiss me, love me, leave me. Pathetic.” I whispered.

“Isn’t everyone…pathetic?” he asked.

I shrugged “The world is really. But no. My children aren’t.”

“Our children.” Ryan cuts in quietly.

I freeze. “No Ry, there’s no our, no us. You took care of that.” I mumbled.

“Please, just give me-“

“What another chance?” I cut in. “You’ve had three chances. Enough is…well enough. We’re done.” I snapped.

“No not yet Crystal.” Ryan says hurriedly. “No, you care for me, I know you do! You never stopped thinking about me.”

I laughed coldly “Yeah, but I never left. I’m still here Ryan, just come back.” I whispered slightly pleadingly.

“I-i-i-i-i-I can’t.” He stutters. “You don’t want me. I’ll wreck things again.”

“See? You even agree with me!” I said shocked.

You reach out a hand and seem like your placing it on my cheek but really I know you’re not. “You fine, safe. That’s all I ever wanted. I-I never left you.” You whispered before leaning in.

I feel that warm gush of a kiss. A kiss not physical but a kiss that was emotional.

“You just did.” I whispered a tear sliding down my face.

I looked out to the horizon, watching as the sun drowned down the sky almost out of view. The sunset was a mystery, a ghostly mystery in the hot stewing sun.

Just like you. A warm mystery. A ghostly warm mystery in my heart.

I turn around and go towards the door on the porch and open it slowly hearing the click. My children’s voices flooded out and I breathed in the non-existent scent of them.

Slowly, I pulled the door almost shut but I stopped when there was only a little gap left. I looked out to the horizon and breathed in and out. 

“Ryan if you’re listening.” I whispered pressing my hand against the cold glass of the window. I smiled slightly. Only a little, ghostly, mysterious smile. Almost non-existent in the hot stewing word.

“P.S…..I love you.”