Depressed

Chapter 1

Tara's P.O.V 

10 more cuts on my wrist , more judgement from my family. The only one who cares about me is my brother, Nate, who is asleep. It is 3 a.m. I can't sleep but that's no different than every other night. 

From afar you might just see the long sleeved clothing and long pants as just an insecurity and the dark circles under my eyes as just not being able to sleep because of all the homework. When, in actuality the dark circles are from the voices in my head telling me how ugly, fat, and terrible I am that keep me up all night, and the long clothing covers the many scars on my legs,wrists, arms, and thighs. 

"Paul," I heard my mom say. "She never does anything around here, she is just a waste of space" 

"I agree, we could just kick her out'' my father Paul said

"We could do it now." 

I tuned out after that because I didn't want to listen to their conversation on how they should get rid of me when I heard Nate say,

"She is amazing, you guys don't care about her because you guys are assholes! You don't like her because she has problems that you don't understand!!" 

I knew then I had to kill myself because everyone hates me, so I decided to write everyone notes and do it next Sunday.

I wrote all of the notes out on blue paper. I wrote one for Nate, one for my parents, and one for each of my biggest bullies. I wish they would all go to hell after I die. I really hope they do. They are just bastards. Some of them act like they are the spawns of Satan. I wish my life wasn't so fucked up. well maybe it's my brain that's fucked up?? I don't know, I wish it didn't have to come to this, suicide, but it just hurts so much to be alive. I really do hate myself. I'm glad I won't have kids so they don't have to have a fucked up life like I did. Parents say how great being a kid is, when it feels like hell. For me the bullying started in 5th grade. But it became a normal thing. I wish it hadn't though because the world would be a whole lot fucking better without stupid bullies. 

Parents always say how bullying makes you have thick skin, I cut myself every night, I don't get "thick skin" out of that. I really hate my parents too. My dad is an asshole so if my mom doesn't agree with everything he says she gets hit or kicked. He just usually hits her. I mean he slaps me but I got used to it. I don't know why I haven't just left yet.

As I was thinking of these things I slowly drifted off to sleep...

                                                                             ~~Dream~~  

I hear screams as I open my eyes. I see only black and red. I guess since technically suicide is murder, I'm a murderer. Wait did I commit suicide? I decide to close my eyes and except my fate when I hear Paul's voice, "Come out, come out wherever you are Tara" He says menacingly. I try to scream but no sound comes out. I hear the door open and I watch dreadfully as Paul is coming towards me with a whip in hand. I scream again but he whips me... hard. He repeats the action..

"No, stop. Please stop" I scream as loudly as I can.

"No, I don't think that I will, I already killed your brother and mother." He laughed creepily as he said this.

"NO!!!!" I scream at the loss of my brother

"You're lying.Nick wouldn't be in Hell. Just you, you sick demented bastard!!" at saying this I received more punishment. 

"It's true this whole dysfunctional family is here because of you.I think you deserve more punishment for that" he said with his whip raised when I spoke, 

"How could you kill them if they are already in Hell?" I knew I got him there. I din't know that he was going to walk out of the room with a grin on his face though. 

I hear another scream,  And at this I open my eyes... 

                                                                                                   ~~~End of Dream~~~

I woke up in a cold-sweat. This is another reason why I don't sleep. 

I fell back asleep, this time to be greeted by a dreamless sleep.