The Encyclopedia Of Me

A

Aa
Some kind of lava.
Almost always the first entry in any encyclopedia. And more important, the very first entry in the Encyclopedia of Me, Tink Aaron-Martin. Exclamation point! Ta-daaaaa! Dance for joy! Etc.!
     The fact that "aa" is a word at all is the most terrific thing I learned from reading the entire set of encyclopedias.

1.This was inspired by my dad, who took it upon himself to read the entire set of encyclopedias last year, which he began by buying a set of ancient books at a garage sale for $7. He did not get past A although he lies and says he got to C. I know he is lying because if you ask him,for example, about Burundi, he just stares at you blankly and then says, "Is that a spider in your hair?" which is Classic Avoidance. I tried valiantly to outdo him-after all, imagine the accolades I would get for READING THE ENCYCLOPEDIAS! But after the first hundred or so entries I slipped into a deep and nearly irreversible coma triggered by severe boredom. I am lucky I survived! And now know more than most people about Achill Island and the acoustic nerve.

I'm sorry, but it's true. Things that are  not true include the sentence, "I read the entire set of encyclopedias." But I did look at some of them. They are quite attractive. The edges of all the pages are dipped in gold dust that shimmers like a pop star's eye makeup.
     In my defense, it's too hot to read.
     Likewise, it is also too hot to write. But that won't stop me! I am an unstoppable force of encyclopedia-writing brilliance! I am...
     Grounded. Which means that I have a lot more spare time than the average almost-thirteen-year-old.
     I expect this book will take a long time to write-a week, if Hortense, our hairless catlike animal, stops bothering me; ten years, if she continues to claw at my legs and head in a desperate attempt to get attention and/or love, which is hard to come by when you look like a shriveled handbag. I don't mind how long it takes, as I happen to love writing almost as much as I enjoy reading.
     There is a chance that this book will become a bestseller and I'll become rich and famous! Of course, there is also a Prince X will land in my backyard in his own private helicopter and whisk me away to his palace, which is to say, there is no chance at all.     Sadness.
     So, back to "aa," which was what I was doing before I had to stop to explain to you about the encyclopedia. "AA" (all caps) is also a battery type and a bra (of no) sizes and what you should shout after a volcano erupts and you are running for your life from the river of jaggedy lava, as in "AAAAH! THE AA"
     That's not something you'd read in a regular encyclopedia, trust me.
     This is not a regular encyclopedia.
     It's better.

Just to make sure everyone understands all credits go to the author of this book Karen Rivers go check out her books at a local bookstore near you.

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