Be Careful While Walking Through The Woods

Part 3

I knelt near the creak, tender knees touching the cold pebbles. The water was freezing so I dipped the tips of my fingers trying to lightly wash my face. Hasily reflected, my brown eyes stared right back at me. It's bizarre that you can walk the earth in a vessel your entire life and still feel disembodied, the home you live in always feeling seperate from your bed... your body always feeling seperate from your head. My reflection isnt me, yet its the first thing that others see and apperances can make people do terrible things. I made eye contact with myself once more, the only thing that seemed acurate was the sullen look on my face. My attention shifted when I heard rustling, I shot my head around just in time to catch William jumping at me. Fortuitously, my natural reaction was to freeze so he didnt get much of a scare let alone a scream. I shoved him, "Nice try, Thou misbegotten malmsey-nosed mammet!" he whined, shaking his head around obviously disapointed with my response. "Good luck next time okay." I patted his head fondly. Its ingratiating to have someone entertained by you and things you do, hopeful that maybe they can strike emotion in you. We both turned when we heard Edgar running towards us, his eyes filled with relief. My whistle was cut off as he nuzzled my face. I closed my eyes and concentrated on the warmth. Even if I apperceive myself to be a foreigner inside my own body, without it I wouldnt feel. When you get the chance to feel any kind of positive emotion you should embrace it with every fiber in your being or else its meaningless. Whats the point of a moment if you dont live it? Whats the point of a life if you dont appreciate it? My heart clentched, when you're stuck in a cloud of darkness, the occasional burst of light hurts even if its all you yern for. Hope is a powerful thing and it can be painful. I continued to keep my eyes closed and focused on my breathing as I reached for my bag and pulled it towards me. Edgar and William watched attentively as I fumbled through the contents to find a little pink compact. I stared at it forelornly. Pink cheeks are usually found on happy people, smiling, running, dancing, and incidentaly blushing, but here I was patting pretty pink powder on inanimate cheeks. Some battles are fought by just looking the part even when your real strength lies with in... but I'm not sure if contribed perfection and manipulation ever truely win a war. I closed the compact and sighed, it was never intended to be used this way... innocent tricks aren't meant to grow but the eternal law of the universe is change and no matter how much we despise it, we can't run away. Picking up my backpack, I stood slowly and after a mournful delay I took my first step towards the cabin. The boys walked beside me matching my slow pace and no matter how much I wished otherwise.. time didn't stop.

I whistled as the rest of the pack came into veiw. My chest filled with dread as Ernest confirmed we were ready to hunt and as much as I hated it.. we had to eat. I routinely took off North, wind hardly resisting as I rushed past trees. I consentrated on each sprint and tried my best to clear my mind but my lucidity was soon inturupted when Ernest pulled ahead. I'm concious that running with wolves isnt a common experience but I wish a larger sum of humankind could enjoy such addrenaline. Even if today is a difficult one, I cant deny the serenity. We slowed down and the pack lifted their heads. Emily, having the strongest nose continued foward a few yards until she stopped as well. That was my cue.

In the summer we always have plenty of wildlife to eat. The pack can easily catch enough dinner to sastify themselves and give me a sufficent ammount to cook myself meals. We're happy and free.... we're warm... but lately winters have been harsh. A single hare doesnt fill six stomachs and unless we wanted to starve we had to take drastic measures. Coincidentaly I get the hare and when they have to the pack moves on to more... accesible prey. I handed my bag to Jane and she gripped it in her teeth as I hesitantly proceeded into the woods.

Every story you will ever read has a twist and every character inevitabley has a change. Devastatingly enough the loving little girl my mother raised isnt the same and never will be. Life did not have such a graceful effect on me. Just like any poisen, the deadly dose of reality left sickening side effects. I never intended to be this way but I guess thats the thing about growing up... you devolp into something you swore you wouldnt become. Life loves a little irony. I drew my attention to a small fimilar road before me and ducked behind a tree. Peering carefully I could see a small car parked and a women changing a flat tire. I winced, it never was and it never will be easy. I forced myself to move, taking heavy steps towards her, stopping when I caught her eye. Concern slowly swept over her face as she stared at me, "Little girl are you okay?" tears welled up in my eyes, a desolate "No." answered in my head and I ran away.

Oh how I wish every time that these strangers wouldn't follow. That they would just think twice before pitying me. Life is so delicate. You never know when your hourglass will shatter and sadly... most shatter in horrible ways. My mom shouldnt have gone the way she did... but theres nothing I can do to stop death. It ripes away souls every moment and you never know when you'll be next. You just can't take responsibility for a life when eventually they'll go anyways. My packs needs to do what they have to to survive, we all do even if the measures taken arent pretty. Eventually this women's life would've expired, at least at this moment it wasn't for nothing. I collasped as her screams peirced the air for only a moment until the shrill sound disapeared. She had a story... and this was her gory ending... but if we are so opoused to something completely constant, is it really our destiny to just end? We fight endings so ceaselessly as if they aren't meant for us, as if they're against our nature... and who's to say they aren't? I hope they are. Who would want to just lose it all? Even if you say you do, deep down its never true. My eyes stung as I layed lifeless on the forest floor, even being so consumed with apathy seeing people go... leading them to their death still tore me apart, but the worst part is I still don't feel like a monster even though I know I should. I guess manipulative people even fool themselves.. and theres nothing more terrifying. Edgar approached, wiping his muzzle in the dirt before laying beside me and one by one the rest of the pack did the same until I was surrounded and I cried as I prayed for the women. I feel so guilty but I just can't see my family starve. Existence is just one big revolving circle of life and death and theres nothing I can do to stop it.